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Dear faithful/infidelious/n00b reader,

This article is, as you may suspect, an editorial. For some illustrious broadsheets of renown, this may indicate an article flecked with lustrous gems of knowledge or deeply insightful commentary. When editors of such noble institutions speak, the rambling rumbling masses slow, stop, and listen. And if they do not, well, that is their dear loss. This however, the Zetsubo Shimbun (the ZS), is far from any such newspaper of good repute, and what will be enclosed here is hardly what any learned person might consider to be essential information.

Instead this is merely my feeble attempt to delay my newspaper’s eventual death; my fumbling around to grab new subscribers, while hoping current subscribers won’t see this new article and be reminded to unsubscribe. This will be the first of a two part special with today’s issue telling the newspaper’s history. The next will outline the paper’s intended future.

Nevertheless, I should hope that the following amalgamation of letters and punctuation will be an interesting and I daresay, entertaining read. Indeed, I am of the opinion that what is entertaining is also interesting while the reverse is not always so. This highlights what has always been one of the core aims of this newspaper: quality entertainment!

The ZS began back in the ancient and now almost forgotten times of Beta. Forgotten not because of its trivial nature, but because those who were there to remember are now, I gather, far and few between. Back in those halcyon days, our local construction industry was booming. Q1, Q2, Q3 and Q4. That’s right! There wasn’t any Q5 back then. Odd really, since one would think that most rational people would use a standard scale of 1-5 as the smallest range of numbers. Then again, they say that Admin work in mysterious ways, so who am I to complain.

Anyway back onto topic, the ZS began shortly after I washed ashore onto a beach in the region of Shikoku near the city of Matsuyama. After observing the actions of the indigenous wildlife (eg. long time residents Origineel and Akki) for a while, I then decided to apply for a newspaper license. In those prehistoric times life was much less regulated and more simple. Citizens walked around clothed in only their skin. Presidents showed off their stylish leaves which were somehow mysteriously affixed to parts of their body that they wished to hide. Q4 food was nothing more than unpolished grains of rice that had been picked up off the floor and had the dust and bugs brushed off... Newspapers didn’t cost Gold and could be created the moment you signed up.

“Why did I get a newspaper” you ask? So that I could attempt to take over Japan (and then all of eRepublik) through brainwashing, mind-melting, text-based propaganda. Obviously, as you might guess, I failed… and I didn’t even get a crummy media mogul medal for my megalomania. As a result, you can see quite clearly that the ZS began as a random column, featuring whatever boredom induced hallucination I was suffering from at the time.

After a while, I got the hang of the game and articles became less random in nature and bore more relation to the game. I dabbled around in various genres: parody, commentary, advertisements, and psilliness. Whether they were of any better quality, I couldn’t say. I’ll let you be the judge of that should you choose to read the early editions of the ZS. Eventually, I joined a party and the ZS switched its focus to championing the cause of the Japanese Labour Party (succeeded by the current Kageki Minshutou). A task at which it faithfully worked at until the encroachment of V1 when my drive fizzled out along with my wellness which followed shortly after.

A dark age ensued. Archaeological digs within the “eRepublik Wiki” revealed that once the editor’s death was discovered, the “Wiki” archives were updated and the ZS was officially closed. (It did however receive a very nice review as an epitaph)

Months later, a freak accident breathed life into my body and the ZS was later similarly revived. However, history repeats itself: various genres were again attempted (including what is possibly the first and last piece of journalism that will ever grace the pages of the ZS), regular publication was short-lived and output eventually was reduced to a mere trickle.

Nevertheless, lessons were learned. Bits and pieces of “BB Code” were painfully studied within the dusty corners of Kyushu Library and the Tequila Fitness Club. This led to regular formatting and the beginnings of an identifiable but subtle ZS “style”. One example of which, are the footers that should now accompany every genuine ZS article, indicating the article’s author, the author’s blurb, the date, and the list of sponsors and sponsors’ blurbs.

All this has led to this very article you see today and we now arrive back at the present. You now know the ZS’s past, but what of its future? The ZS is now at a so called “crossroad”, where its future will have to be decided upon.

*To be continued…*

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Your friendly neighbourhood editor-journalist and wannabe media mogul,
Laurana "Psi"
08/10/2009
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