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Ditching your wife while playing Erepublik [Ministerul Media]
A few weeks ago, I was coming very late home for work, as my wife encountered me with a sour face:
- "Where have you been?", she aggressively asked
- "Honey, I have to admit", I replied, "I have an affair with a beautiful brunette. I took her out dining, then we had crazy sex in the car..."
- "You lying bastard! Whom are you trying to fool?" she started yelling. "You are unable of performing crazy sex to another person, least to say another woman! You were at work, playing that stupid waste of human time called Erepublik! If it happens again, you're out of here!"
So, based on this experience, I have decided to actively involve in boosting up the quality of life of my fellow community members, by writing this
GUIDE FOR DITCHING YOUR WIFE WHILE PLAYING EREPUBLIK
1. Have an actual affair!
Having an actual affair is much more credible than lying about it. Although faking an affair can seem easy, you might think that using some lipstick from a work colleague on your shirt, or some perfume from a tester tube in a supermarket might be enough, well it's not. Women have a sixth sense for cheating men, and if you are not lucky enough to be one of them, you will be uncovered as a fake. So, my first advice: cheat every one in a while, preferably with the same person. In this case, your wife will definitely suspect that you are in the arms of your mistress, your mistress will presume that you are at home, while you can happily play Erepublik at work.
2. Crash your car !
Just pretending that your car breaks down so often is pretty lame. Have the balls every one in a while and smash the bloody thing for real. Not hard enough for the car not to work, but it has to look ugly. Then, you can spend the whole day in service! This is a great maneuver for election days, battles or any other occasions when you need full concentration for a longer period of time. Of course, full car insurance, 3G modem and laptop are required.
3. Buy an iPhone !
There are very few things worth completely ruining your image as a powerful, heterosexual male. Luckily enough, Erepublik is one of them! An iPhone can provide you with several important windows of opportunity to stay connected with your favorite community while being safely away from your wife.
4. Prepare for unexpected calls !
Each morning on your way to work, try to break off a few seconds from the latest article written by Gregorius and try to focus on one PRACTICAL thing about your home. "What was my wife complaining about in the last few weeks? Fixing the bathroom door? No, that was in Beta. Oh, I got it, buying some tomatoes with taste from somewhere." Then, after finding one such key issue, you are prepared for the "unexpected call"! In this respect, the next time your wife calls, just say really fast "Honey, I was just thinking about weather the small market across the street might have some good tomatoes." Your wife will be impressed about your concerns, and you will definitely avoid the usual "You seem absent again! Playing that crap again, aren't you!"
5. Pretend you are working hard !
That sadly applies only in the first two months or so, BEFORE your wife becomes a convinced brainwashed Anti-Erepublik paramilitary organization member. It is an easy way of saving valuable hours of senseless talks about furniture, cheesy romance or stupid TV series. Just say "Honey, my boss urged me to write a very important report by tomorrow morning, it will take a couple of hours". The ideal time to START your "report" is precisely 22:30, in that case, after two or three hours, she will probably give up and go to sleep. Then, you will have free hand for the next three hours to build up your Erepublik career! Of course, Red Bulls, caffeine pills or light drugs are highly recommended.
6. Get kidnapped !
With a little bit of planning, you can arrange a fake kidnapping, which will buy you a few days, maybe even weeks, of uninterrupted Erepublik experience. This strategy is extremely useful if you win the elections as country president or if you achieve important positions in your virtual life (Supreme Commander of the Army, Prime Minister or stuff like that). Take care, you have to have a solid justification about how you got kidnapped together with your laptop and 3G modem!
7. Get abducted ! (upgraded tactic no.6 - for really stupid wives)
For the lucky ones who have a wife with a sub-standard IQ (I can only admire their power of anticipation), you can upgrade tactics no.6 and pretend you have been abducted by aliens! This will allow you much more space for maneuver, because it will get the police / special forces or other institutions looking for you off your back.
8. Pretend you are an alcoholic !
While apparently easy, it is a pretty difficult strategy to pull trough. Being late progressively, drinking a few shots before leaving work, pretending to forget recent events, and so on, are part of your arsenal. The main benefit is strategically distracting your wives attention from your Erepublik career. Who knows, if you have the necessary skill / strength / gold, you might become an authentic alcoholic! And then, maybe, but just maybe, your wife can dump you and clear an enormous amount of time for your virtual life! But men can only dream...
9. Win the lottery !
Although statistically extremely difficult to pull trough, I think this is, by far, the optimal solution to your Erepublik career. HOW you wil the lottery will be the subject of a future article by the Romanian Ministry of Media, you will see, it’s a hassle but its doable. But, after hitting the jackpot, you will need to follow a few simple principles:
- NEVER tell ANYBODY that you won.
- Pretend to go to work every day. Heck, hire some office space and some secretaries, just for realism. Give them random tasks in order not to blow your cover, you can afford the whole circus.
- Every now and then pull some extra cash from your account, pretending you received “bonuses” or “promotions”, gives an extra touch of authenticity.
- Make up some fancy invitations to conferences or trainings and show them to your wife, pretending that “the company has awarded you with this beautiful opportunity”. Then lock yourself up in a sleazy hotel and play Erepublik until you drop!
Any ideas for a number 10? Winner gets 1 Gold!!!
Yours,
dsalageanu
- "Where have you been?", she aggressively asked
- "Honey, I have to admit", I replied, "I have an affair with a beautiful brunette. I took her out dining, then we had crazy sex in the car..."
- "You lying bastard! Whom are you trying to fool?" she started yelling. "You are unable of performing crazy sex to another person, least to say another woman! You were at work, playing that stupid waste of human time called Erepublik! If it happens again, you're out of here!"
So, based on this experience, I have decided to actively involve in boosting up the quality of life of my fellow community members, by writing this
GUIDE FOR DITCHING YOUR WIFE WHILE PLAYING EREPUBLIK
1. Have an actual affair!
Having an actual affair is much more credible than lying about it. Although faking an affair can seem easy, you might think that using some lipstick from a work colleague on your shirt, or some perfume from a tester tube in a supermarket might be enough, well it's not. Women have a sixth sense for cheating men, and if you are not lucky enough to be one of them, you will be uncovered as a fake. So, my first advice: cheat every one in a while, preferably with the same person. In this case, your wife will definitely suspect that you are in the arms of your mistress, your mistress will presume that you are at home, while you can happily play Erepublik at work.
2. Crash your car !
Just pretending that your car breaks down so often is pretty lame. Have the balls every one in a while and smash the bloody thing for real. Not hard enough for the car not to work, but it has to look ugly. Then, you can spend the whole day in service! This is a great maneuver for election days, battles or any other occasions when you need full concentration for a longer period of time. Of course, full car insurance, 3G modem and laptop are required.
3. Buy an iPhone !
There are very few things worth completely ruining your image as a powerful, heterosexual male. Luckily enough, Erepublik is one of them! An iPhone can provide you with several important windows of opportunity to stay connected with your favorite community while being safely away from your wife.
4. Prepare for unexpected calls !
Each morning on your way to work, try to break off a few seconds from the latest article written by Gregorius and try to focus on one PRACTICAL thing about your home. "What was my wife complaining about in the last few weeks? Fixing the bathroom door? No, that was in Beta. Oh, I got it, buying some tomatoes with taste from somewhere." Then, after finding one such key issue, you are prepared for the "unexpected call"! In this respect, the next time your wife calls, just say really fast "Honey, I was just thinking about weather the small market across the street might have some good tomatoes." Your wife will be impressed about your concerns, and you will definitely avoid the usual "You seem absent again! Playing that crap again, aren't you!"
5. Pretend you are working hard !
That sadly applies only in the first two months or so, BEFORE your wife becomes a convinced brainwashed Anti-Erepublik paramilitary organization member. It is an easy way of saving valuable hours of senseless talks about furniture, cheesy romance or stupid TV series. Just say "Honey, my boss urged me to write a very important report by tomorrow morning, it will take a couple of hours". The ideal time to START your "report" is precisely 22:30, in that case, after two or three hours, she will probably give up and go to sleep. Then, you will have free hand for the next three hours to build up your Erepublik career! Of course, Red Bulls, caffeine pills or light drugs are highly recommended.
6. Get kidnapped !
With a little bit of planning, you can arrange a fake kidnapping, which will buy you a few days, maybe even weeks, of uninterrupted Erepublik experience. This strategy is extremely useful if you win the elections as country president or if you achieve important positions in your virtual life (Supreme Commander of the Army, Prime Minister or stuff like that). Take care, you have to have a solid justification about how you got kidnapped together with your laptop and 3G modem!
7. Get abducted ! (upgraded tactic no.6 - for really stupid wives)
For the lucky ones who have a wife with a sub-standard IQ (I can only admire their power of anticipation), you can upgrade tactics no.6 and pretend you have been abducted by aliens! This will allow you much more space for maneuver, because it will get the police / special forces or other institutions looking for you off your back.
8. Pretend you are an alcoholic !
While apparently easy, it is a pretty difficult strategy to pull trough. Being late progressively, drinking a few shots before leaving work, pretending to forget recent events, and so on, are part of your arsenal. The main benefit is strategically distracting your wives attention from your Erepublik career. Who knows, if you have the necessary skill / strength / gold, you might become an authentic alcoholic! And then, maybe, but just maybe, your wife can dump you and clear an enormous amount of time for your virtual life! But men can only dream...
9. Win the lottery !
Although statistically extremely difficult to pull trough, I think this is, by far, the optimal solution to your Erepublik career. HOW you wil the lottery will be the subject of a future article by the Romanian Ministry of Media, you will see, it’s a hassle but its doable. But, after hitting the jackpot, you will need to follow a few simple principles:
- NEVER tell ANYBODY that you won.
- Pretend to go to work every day. Heck, hire some office space and some secretaries, just for realism. Give them random tasks in order not to blow your cover, you can afford the whole circus.
- Every now and then pull some extra cash from your account, pretending you received “bonuses” or “promotions”, gives an extra touch of authenticity.
- Make up some fancy invitations to conferences or trainings and show them to your wife, pretending that “the company has awarded you with this beautiful opportunity”. Then lock yourself up in a sleazy hotel and play Erepublik until you drop!
Any ideas for a number 10? Winner gets 1 Gold!!!
Yours,
dsalageanu
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you write this articol two times.please delete one.
Just great ! )
yeah.the articol is supercool
@apophis: done! editing is just to painful, so I usually use "back" in my browser, modify and republish. it takes then a few minutes to delete my original article
i can't believe you did it, well i have my own excuses for now, i will try those next week
your wife too???
Nice.
Best article in eRepublik yet.
And an idea for ditching: plan your own death and run as far as you can - the car can be used for a one last show .
) Great article. Keep it up.
I filed the article for future reference.
I'm fighting in the war. Could I get some gifts?
Votat!
Astept un articol in care sa aflu cum scap de decan
For point 8 YOU don't even have to pretend.
@Alex: yeah, but I definitely have the strength / skill / gold to pull this trough )
Nice
good article, but not excelent
Lots of lolz! )
really nice and great article
loool
vote+sub
Very very very cool!
Point No. 10:
Invite her to eRepublik
Requirements:
- that she didn't knew until that point that you are playing eR
- IMPORTANT!!!: 2 computers
- a wife that isn't Anti-Computer Games
Advantages:
- 5 GOLD
- no dodgy speaker behind your shoulder all day
What was the last battle at Ypres called?
The Battle of Passchendaele
nu mai gasesc articolul unde trebuie sa postez intrebarea cu raspunsul corect. sorry pt off topic. sper sa vada cine trebuie
Pt.10
pretend that Erepublik its your next subject to research for faculty or your job, or pretend that fenomenon its your inspiration for a next very good idea for an online business
Fake your death?
Pretend that you have been hired at erepublik. this way you can be at the pc playing erepublik at work and at home, since if your wife asks why are you playing that game at home, you can reply that you are doing extra work... the problem is that with so much extra work you 'll need a way to come up with a lot on money.
d:)
Suggestion for point 10:
Tell your wife that your workplace has decided that it's members need to become better friends and the best way they can think of this without going to cheesy workplace "retreats" is to play a game together.
Tell her that every time you level up your company will add to your bonus at the end of the year. And convince her that she can play too and help you get some more bonus money.
Of course finding the extra cash for the bonus may be difficult, but it would be worth it.
Hah Heee
point 10is simple - laptop and wi-fi in your house, you lock yourself in the toilet, and have "frequent, painful (don't forget to groan from time to time) and long-lasting obstructions" :]
Votat!
Awesome thread, v + s.
v + s
LOL!
No. 10:
Pretend to be ill:
You can play AND your wife does everything for you... hopefully
LOL
voted and subscribed
Idea:
1) Write very intersting storyes in Cosmopolitan magazine while wait end time of war.
2) Give fresh cosmopolitan with your story to wife.
3) ????
4) PROFIT 20 minits
Point No.10
You have contracted one of the most contagious diseases known to mankind *probably an allergic reaction to your wife* and are thus under quarantine at a secret address. If she does still want to see you, and break your quality eRep time, then fake a coma as well.
Pretty much a win/win situation as your boss might still pay you for being of sick and at deaths door. Lets just hope the wife will not tell the national press about this fictional malady though...
what is up my dude?
laughed my butt off (:
Nice article.... Voted
10. Ditch her. Period.
All the options looks to me like no-confrontational. It will make the problem worse, methinks. You need to have The Talk. One where you make s clear you really want to play the game. Ditch her is the last option, me thinks. But a real one.
voTeD!
GoOd!
______________
hAve GOod tiME
Good one
@da_petcu21 Good luck finding a wife that plays videogames. I've been looking my whole life so far. Only girls I found only play mariokart64 LoL, first lady I find that plays Rome Total War I'm marrying. bahaha!
10. Brake a leg!
It's pretty simple actually, get some plaster, some bandages and a fake hospital signed paper. Pretend to have fallen out of a stair and that you broke a leg. get some days off from work and stay at home plaing eRepublik all day!!
If your wife asks, say that you're using the laptop to do some home work xD
LoL i think this is gold material for a cpmedy show )) but honestly u should find better wife next to that wife u wont be needing Erepublik for a lonnng time )
Ok how about this for #10.
Say you were Drafted for some war some where!
Then every few weeks you send her a emotional letter stating how much you miss her since your 100's of miles away, even though your just across town sleeping at your friends house. Eating Mcdonalds and playing Erupublik.
Insane humour
win
#10
Scientifically investigate, document, and chart your wife's menstrual cycle. Know every nuance of the impending Jekyll/Hyde moment before it arrives. You want to be able to maximize your free time while campaigning for office while your wife suffers in Uterine Hell!
In order lengthen and take full advantage of every moment of your freedom, consider the possible important actions!
1. Change the bed linens and put a nice fluffy down comforter on the bed. Vacuum, put out some potpourri (but never tell your friends you even know what that is!). Make the room a comfy hideaway that she wont want to leave for days! How can you be expected to run your Worldwide Business Empire with her nagging you?
2. Order up some sappy, overly-emotional DvDs and get her glued to the tube for hour upon glorious hour! You dont want her suddenly cheering up and deciding she wants to go out just as you broker some backroom deal to get you into Congress!!
3. Be prepared! Swallow your manly pride and go to the drugstore. Buy enough tampons and maxi-pads to last until Kingdom Come! Good lord, you dont want to get that call just as you are about to unleash holy Q5 hell on your former ally's country!
4. Just after you shoo her into the bedroom, and before you close the door, ask her if she has lost weight! And for Pete's sake people, try to put a sincere look on your face! This is important!! The last thing you need is her stumbling into the office for a little reassurance right as your entire alliance is waiting on you to launch a PTO!
"
3. Buy an iPhone !
There are very few things worth completely ruining your image as a powerful, heterosexual male. Luckily enough, Erepublik is one of them! An iPhone can provide you with several important windows of opportunity to stay connected with your favorite community while being safely away from your wife."
Got it!!!
"Any ideas for a number 10? Winner gets 1 Gold!!!"
Convince her that Erepublik is rl
impressive article, i love it
in romana va rog mult...
clar o sa traduca cineva un articol vechi de un an, Alllex85
you can buy also a HTC .... this is for point 10
hahahahahaha vote&sub
#10
Pretend that you've been arrested!
You just need 1 good friend from police or 1 corrupt police officer.
This strategy is prety obvious.