Did Someone Mention Free Food?

Day 1,240, 12:28 • Published in USA USA • by USAF Media

In these dark days of invasions and countries getting wiped off the map, you sit in your chair, staring at your damage. 100 Influence go by as you wipe off the tears. You probably wonder why you can’t do more damage. How you can help your country better? How you can get your influence OVER NINE THOUSAND?



Worry no more. The government has put forth a specialized group of people whose primary and sole objective is giving you free food and weapons. Can you say no to free stuff?! I’m sure you can’t.
So what do you need to do to get free food and weapons?

1. Fill out this form if you are level 21 or under, not in a military or a militia, and are a eUS citizen.
2. Get free stuff.
3. ?????
4. Profit.

Sounds simple, right? It really is!

But wait, I’m over level 21/still hungry/I don’t like forms!
No problem complaining person. For every major battle, every US citizen can just go to #defense and ask for supplies. So Easy!

Here are some made up quotes by happy customers of this fine American program.

Rod Damon, Super Sekrit Agent Extraordinaire - “ You know, saving this country from getting PTO’ed every month isn’t easy, but Arm America’s delicious entrees keep me full and focused!”

Colin Lantrip, Ultra Mega Chimp of Destruction - “Before Arm America was created, I wouldn’t fight in battles because I was afraid my friends and family would laugh at my weak monkey poo throwing ability. After using Arm America supplies, I’m on of the hardest hitting tanks in the US and am now a big man chimp. Just look at me!

Pfeiffer, Co-Founder of the Ultramarines and Lover of Everything Fabulous - “Before Arm America was created, nobody liked me and I was left lonely and unloved. After asking Arm America for food, I am still unloved, but at least I’m not starving!”

(The above quotes are fake and are used only for advertisement purposes.)

But wait, THERE’S MORE!

If you’re still using the Arm America form, it probably means you’re not in the army or in a militia. What’s wrong with you? The army gives you supplies, provides you with a great community, and allows you to maximize your damage fighting for the US. What are you waiting for?

Join Now!

If you’re still reading this, you should now have enough wellness and weapons to kick some serious ass. So far Arm America supplied over 1 million wellness to various players. Be another statistic in our next article and do it now!