I would first like to thank the Stone Ocean Party for appointing me as Chief Herder of MadCow Province, along with the illustrious (see:ginger) Tom McDougal. While I am disappointed that none of the livestock of this Bovine District expressed their support for either McDougal or myself, it only underscores the urgency and importance of our work here.
I promise to personally attend to the containment, conversion, and possible euthanasia of the cows placed in my charge, along with ensuring their continued adherence to Dioistic practices. I will also endeavor to maximize regional wheat production by mandating an increase in personal fertilizer production, as well as the number of hours our bovine laborers must toil in the fields. With luck and Dio's blessing, we may yet save some of these poor souls. Now before I lose 80% of my audience to tl;dr related boredom, an arousing picture.
I expect your response to be something along these lines:
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