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The Fieldist Volume II, Issue 4
The News W. Z. Foster Doesn't Want You to Know!

Communist Organization Fights Against America
Anti-American American political party, Communist Party of the USA, led by the radical anti-American communist guru Mombassa, has continued its anti-American activities, by sending resistance forces to fight against the US military and its various citizens and militias for the side of Mexico.

We got one of the Reds to talk us. "America is the imperialist-capitalist leader of the world," said the 35 year-old, who refused to tell us his name, but wore a Che Guevara t-shirt, "America oppresses its workers, many American corporations force their low skill workers to work for below the price of Q1 food. For this reason America must be opposed." He attempted to give more, but a handsome young National Guard lieutenant picked him off. Turns out Reds are redder on the inside than they are on the outside.

The Fieldist discovered that the CPUSA is nothing more than Russian puppets. We talked to a spokesman from the eComintern, who told us, "the vanguard party is coming. Once we have established vanguard parties in every nation, we will then initiate the revolution, leaving communist Russia, I mean, the workers, in control of the world." When pressed about the CPUSA, the spokesman told us, "well-meaning pawns, but very expendable."

The Fieldist is not anti-communist, what we believe in is American-style communism. The use of obvious Russian words like "soviet" or naming a company "Kolkhoz Grain" fails to adequately do justice to the true manner of what American communism should be. Furthermore, the display of the hammer and sickle are completely Russian in philosophy and do not adequately represent the American communist movement. We at the Fieldist could do it better. Unfortunately, we don't have the cash.

Furthermore, if the CPUSA truly wishes to unite all of the proletariat, they should support the advancement of American interests. Nationalism is stronger than communism, and thus the revolution cannot come until we are all one nation.

If you know of a person who is a member of this most failed of political parties, the CPUSA, the Fieldist recommends you verbally harass them with reasons why their betrayal of America defeats their purpose.

*For those who don't know (i.e., CPUSA), William Z. Foster was a leader of the Communist Party USA and a supporter of Stalinism.

Fieldist Falls Behind
We at the Fieldist discovered from our good friend, Hari Michaelson, that there was a way to check subscription numbers to our newspaper, a problem which had troubled us for a while. When Mr. Michaelson reported that he had broken the top 100 newspapers in the USA, the Fieldist took a look at our own rankings. The editorial staff decided to guess what our ranking is, and we said somewhere between 90 and 110. Well, we got to it, and we saw, and looked... And it wasn't 90. Or 95 or 100, or 101, or 111, or 115, or even in the top 125. No, to find the Fieldist you need to go way back, where you'll find the Fieldist sandwiched between such reputable papers as Platonic Archival run by a dead man, or 3rd Platoon Press abandoned long ago.

It's a small wonder no presidential candidates have chosen to mention the Fieldist for Department of Fun. So loyal Americans/Fieldist-readers, what we need from you is to subscribe and tell one friend to subscribe as well.

The Fieldist, still the proudest newspaper in America!