Join the new world

Evening America,
It's currently about 1:30 AM, and I've put off writing this article for damn near as long as I could. Yet, I felt it necessary to inform the American public of why my attributes are absolutely integral to a functioning congressional assembly, and why I am the best candidate for the state of Colorado, wherein I'm running under the banner of the Federalist Party.

Allow me to address the first concern that you, as a voter, should have about my candidacy.
"Why are you the best man for the job, and therefore, deserving of my vote?"

Elemtary, my dear watson, my aptitude in all matters congressional stems from the fact that I am evil. Truly, truly evil.
Allow me to elaborate.

The active community of this game has long since established the fact that eRepbulik is a waste of time, and is slowly leeching the previous life force and monetary assets of all who play it. Anyone who would argue that such a life form is not evil when it goes about perpetuating it's existence in such a matter is either also evil, delusion, or simply idiotic.

I, as a politician, have personally contributed to the perpetuation of this game in a multitude of ways, most of which are above and beyond the efforts of the ordinary sane individual. So, here I stand, in front of those who may wish to elect me, campaigning on a platform of pure, unadulterated evil. And I like it.



1st Deadly Sin: I'm an Elite
If people in this nation aren't complaining about eRepublik being evil, then they're most likely complaining about elitism in our political system in some form of another. Or possibly about pizza the hut. It is no secret to all of the well informed American public that the highest levels of our legislative and executive government are infested with slimy, ghastly, horrid elitists, controlling everything from the top down, and physically stepping on all those who attempt to climb the mountain that is the 'Executive Cabinet.' After two terms as the Secretary of Media, two terms as the Intern Director, two terms as the Secretary of Interior, one term as the Chief of Staff, and 10 total terms in Congress over the course of my many eLives, one would not be greatly exaggerating if they were to accuse me of being a living, breathing, physical manifestation of the black plague called elitism in eAmerica.



2nd Deadly Sin: I make more Elites
If an elite is the greatest threat to our glorious eCountry, then I cannot comprehend how threatening an Elite who creates more elites must be to the fabric of our very moral caliber. At the risk of exposing some of the secret breeding strategies of elitism, I will expose some of the methods by which elitists are made. The reality is.....elitism starts in the parties. The political parties of the eUnited States are the true stepping stones of early elitists. The very mechanics by which early politicos are formed served to perpetuate the elitist climate, and I have participated in many of them. After two terms as Party President in the SFP, five months of Director of Member Services in the USWP, three months as Political Director in the Federalists, and a current term as Communications Director in the Federalist party, I've been at the heart of the Elitist production facilities, always working, always....



3rd Deadly Sin: I bring more people to eRepublik to become Elites
Remember how I said eRepublik is inherently evil? That comes in handy here. From that assertion, it is plausible to make the connection that by bringing other innocent unsuspecting individuals into an evil atmosphere. Said situation can be likened to attempting to lure random passerby's into oncoming traffic with promises of free candy and sexual favors. Both situations deal with idiotic audiences with short attention spans, although one may be more subtle than the other. Onward to the actual point, I'm evil because I perpetuate the evil of this game by bringing in more people. Not only have I served multiple terms as REACH director in my eLife, I'm also the founder of eNASA, an organization in eRepublik individually responsible for the recruitment of hundreds of new players to the game, and by proxy, the deaths of their real lives. I'm personally responsible for the production of the eNASA Offsite Recruitment list, a list of gaming sites whose voting links allow each person in eRepublik to personally contribute to the entrapment of innocents. That's right America, not only did I trap innocent civilians into this game, but I used you to do it. It's like Goku's Spirit Bomb but significantly more dastardly.



I do hope the contents of this article have been able to convince you that I am, in fact, evil to the core, with a heart as black as coal. Understand that pursuit of all that is unholy is purely in the best interest of you, the self-hating populace, who decide each and every day to log back onto this monstrosity of a game.

So when you're deciding who to vote for tomorrow, think to yourself, "Do I truly want to subject this nice, innocent eAmerican to the horror that is the eUSA Congress, or do I want to send the man who's already too far gone for me to help anyway?"

Make the right choice, America.
Vote for Evil,
Vote Civil Anarchy.