Canada, well done.

Day 1,948, 14:05 • Published in Canada Canada • by The.Puppeteer

After a very long night of coffee, fighting, more coffee and screaming on IRC, I was quite pleased to wake up and see we still have our commanding lead. Pat yourself on the back for this. A huge thanks to all the people that helped out from outside of our borders.

You guys are awesome. o7

**UPDATE** WE WON!



For working so hard, I will do my best to entertain you, hopefully provide you with a few laughs while we gear up for phase 2. Yes, there is a phase 2 to this battle.

I originally had an article written for the other night, on the situation with Portugal, but I decided against posting it due to the fact that I felt it was forced writing. I can't do that to myself, and I really didn't have much to say about the subject besides, "Yeah, that sucks.". It definitely wouldn't have been my best work, and after seeing what Auk put out, it wouldn't have stirred such a great debate. On that subject, I could only think of one quote that I found fitting.

"Men decide far more problems by hate, love, lust, rage, sorrow, joy, hope, fear, illusion, or some other inward emotion, than by reality, authority, any legal standard, judicial precedent, or statute."

What are Canadians good at? Aside from hockey, fishing, wearing flannel and drinking beer? I am not a stereotypical Canadian. I don't enjoy the outdoors that much, I am more of a wine guy, I own no flannel or plaid clothing, and I won't wear a toque out of fear that it would mess my hair. However, I am a typical Ontarian, and I view the rest of Canada in a very stereotypical way.



Lets go from the West to the East, starting with....

British Columbia

As far as I'm concerned, anything west of the Rockies are a bunch of pot smoking lumberjacks, with an under achieving hockey team. They definitely did wonders for us after they lost to Boston and trashed their city. The only good thing they have given us is Kristin Kreuk, Pam Anderson, and those giant red wood trees. Kristin > Pam.



Alberta

Canada's wallet and Red-Necks. To live in that place, you have to hit the "Cowboy" level on the man scale. It is right after wearing flannel jackets year round, and right before fighting bears for a living. Sure, they provide Canada with a large chunk of cash, but can we really look past what they have done to us? NICKELBACK!?! This is inexcusable to me. For that, those Red-Necks can burn in hell.



Saskatchewan

Flat, cold, grain and cows. You would have to have the personality of a potato to find this place as a viable place to live. Does anything ever happen there? I hear they only have two seasons there; Farm and holy hell it's cold out. They seem like the people that would actually sport the moose-skin jackets to stay warm in the winter. The only good thing I have heard about this place is that they don't change their clocks for day-light savings time.



Manitoba

Who? What? Where? They are still here? Oh. Well, aside from Winnipeg being the cocaine capital of Canada, they really don't have much going for them. What's more sad, I actually had to look up Manitoba to find something to write about. I will just end this here and go back to neglecting them.



Ontario

What would you do without us? The heart, soul and brain of Canada. We run this place, and also have the city at the center of the universe, Toronto. If you don't believe me, ask a Torontonian yourself. Albeit, they have the worst franchises in their respective sports with the Leafs, Raptors and Blue Jays. We also have the capital, Ottawa, and turned out one of the most successful pop stars of all time. THE BIEBS!



Quebec

Possibly the second most annoying people on the planet, next to the real French. Although, it is nice that they have decided to stay and not try to break away from Canada. I think I spite them so much for making me take a language I didn't want to learn throughout my life. I will say, they do have a killer reputation for strip clubs and partying. Also, they have given us poutine, so they aren't all that bad.



The East

This is getting very long, so I will start summing up the rest, which is quite easy to do for the last two regions. I actually have been out to the Maritime provinces, and they are what I would call "cottage country". To anyone outside of Ontario, cottage country is anything out side of a big city that is near a body of water.

New Brunswick seemed to Canada's retirement home. Nova Scotia seemed like you had to be really drunk to enjoy it or you will start thinking you are in Manitoba. PEI had a really long bridge, and are known as the potato people. I fully get that now that I have been there. They also gave us that red head Anne, who up until my 10th birthday I thought was the Wendy's chick. Then we come to Newfoundland. Wow, what a place this was. I was told they speak English, but that was a bold face lie. Do yourself a favor and hire a translator before going. The entire east has a pace of life that I couldn't get use to. Everything moves so slowly, and the people just don't care.



The North

They have a population of about 14. Their way of transportation is still dog-sled I hear, and for the rich folk, a snowmobile. They live in igloos, and eat seal. Pretty sure they have snow all year round, and have to hunt to survive.



Again, good job today people. We kicked those Spaniards right out of Quebec.

Cheers,

Buck

TL😉R - Ontario matters.

*Disclaimer - I do not view all of Canada this way. Calm down.