British Tea Party: Stirring Since 2012

Day 1,651, 11:40 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Willard Mitt Romney
From the desk of the Tea-Master General:


It's been a busy week for British Tea Party, but one that has paid off immensely. The party would first of all like to thank all its members for their tiresome efforts in making this a national party that is equipped to rival the top parties. Once again, thank you all - without you, our loyal members, it would not be possible!



Our weekly party meeting

1. CONGRESS NEWS

Our party was incredibly successful in the recent elections, gaining TWO CONGRESSMEN in myself and Dr Hugh Jardon, this is a fantastic result and I'm sure I can speak for myself and my co-congressmen Hugh that we will serve our constituents well as well as our party. Remember, if you have any views over national affairs, please direct them to myself, Hugh or Angela Williams to pass on.

We would also like to express our massive gratitude to Lily Summers and the members of ESO for their kind offer of allowing us to stand through them.

Next time, we will be looking for party members to stand for these positions, God-willing, through a party ballot, so folks, get ready and get active for a chance to represent your people and your party.

2. WE NEED YOU! POSITIONS AVAILABLE

Our party is growing faster than the real UK's unemployment statistics, as a result we need new members to help our party grow as well as assisting the unemployed of Britain by giving them something to do...

Positions available:
Head of Recruitment
Deputy Head of Recruitment
Chief Whip


Furthermore, given the grave heat that is sweeping the nation, there is a further position that needs to be fille😛

Chief Punkawallah, Angela's menopausal system can be untenable in normal circumstances let along during a heatwave



Fans just aren't enough anymore for our dear leader

3. COMPETITIONS AND THE LIKE

We'd also like to reveal the winners of our latest CAPTION COMPETITION. First of all, we apologise for the crappy photograph... it was an oversight by my sense of taste and amusement. Secondly, the winner is *drumroll* ELIAM for his remark 'why is that man taking pictures of me?' - that joke demands a role in a BBC Three situation comedy *cough*

Our next caption competition will be up tomorrow, so be prepared!

Now then, we'd also like to reveal our coveted MEMBER OF THE WEEK, well 'members' as this week Angela would like to thank:

MICHAEL MARLEY WATKINSON for his tireless war reports and political analysis, something bringing repute to the party

Myself, ELIAS GREEN for my winning the congressional seat for the first time after numerous attempts

5. OUR VERY OWN QUEEN'S DIAMOND JUBILEE

As you may be aware, Angela Williams has been a Queen now for 60 years, so we thought we'd mark the occasion with a special event, Angela's Diamond Jubilee, so raise a cup of English Breakfast next Monday and celebrate her life before she is cremated by her numerous cigarettes (her 80-a-day habit takes up a lot of the party funding)



Angela campaigns against a tea tax after suffering the pasty tax in anticipation of her big day

Until the next time, Happy Jubilee
Elias