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25 star general, Zapp Brannigan, is a man who lives his life in accordance with laws. But what if we were to apply such laws to eRep behaviour? What kind of insane things could we determine as a law, or constant if you will, to eRepublik?

First law:

Brannigan’s law is like Brannigans love.
Hard and fast. This is possibly the most important and useful rule that you will ever learn. Remember it well. In all seriousness, it is ”Brannigan's Law states that one cannot interfere with an undeveloped planet”. This is the attitude seen by many who would prefer to moralise instead of doing what is necessary for them to advance, to compete at the world stage. The moralistic view of such small countries is insane, and one of the most annoying character traits seen in this game.

It is a happy coincidence that this is the actual Brannigan’s law, and one of the things I’d have loved to have put in this article. Sometimes, life is too perfect.

Neutrality is bad

What causes a man to become neutral?

Neutral countries in this game are a dead end. I am of course talking about actual neutral countries, not just the pretenders. Although they’re pretty much a dead end also. So, as you’re probably aware, unless you fall under the first and most important rule, this is a game. And games are, generally fun. Apart from Halo, that was just terrible.

So, what causes the most fun in this game? Is it the politics? Heck no, most people in the western world don’t even bother voting in real life, when it allegedly matters, why would most of us give a dam about the changing of a face on the politics page each month? The in game media? Have you read some of the tripe in the media? Yeah. This doesn’t keep people about. I know what does though.

War. Everything is on the up when in a war of some kind. Unless you’re losing and you economy has gone down the toilet, not everyone can win. But hey, war is generally still good. Just be good at it. Or at least try. However neutral countries don’t give this a shot. They just kind of sit there, wasting valuable bandwidth with their neutralness.

But what does cause a man to become neutral? Fear, mostly. Countries become neutral to prevent an attack against themselves, and thus become their own worst enemy. Take a shot, invade your hated neighbour. Team up with some other countries and destroy someone else. No country stays occupied forever, take a chance, live tonight.

The law of politics

The purpose of this game is to call other people politicos and complain about the ruling elite.

Seriously guys. It’s the same in most in game Western countries, and it happens to some extent everywhere else as well. Due to people bringing in their need to question the man on everything, often on something they know nothing of, they attempt to gain support for their badly thought out plan (the final rule deals with this), and complains about the ruling elite and the politicos repressing them, ignoring their obviously superior idea that flies in the face of logic and intelligent thought.

The net result of this is either they get people to back down by sheer persistence and annoying factor, or get roundly shouted out of a debate, and rightly so. Often these are non-elected individuals, who do nothing to actually help a situation, or, Dio forbid, offer a workable solution to a problem. Do not be that guy.

The Emerick Rule

That young man fills me with hope. Plus some other emotions which are weird and deeply confusing.

The guy so inspirational he makes people play and follow him through just normal conversation. There are very few instances of this rule, the other, and more important instance obviously being our God-Emperor Dio Brando. Inspirational people, who get people to play just through their actions and words. Loved and hated in equal measure, their words are as gospel to hundreds, even thousands. Influencing actions, the long arms of those bound by what shall be henceforth referred to as the Emerick Rule, are characteristic by remaining in mind even after their departure from this mortal coil, and ascending to the sandy halls up high.

Female law

“You look like a woman who appreciates the finer things in life. Come over here and feel my velour bedspread.”

This is basically the same as the ancient internet law that all men should remember next time you’re hitting on that internet chick ”There are no women on the internet”. All women are men, and all children are FBI agents.

‘Women’ often are seen seeking attention, and befriending desperate world leaders in this game, and using that to find out information they would not normally have access too, and even get gold and other such stuff by abusing their position as being seen as token women. These people are not whom they seem. And if they were, ask yourself this question; would you really want a woman who seeks internet attention? I imagine you just answered no, like I did. Well, remember that next time it happens to you.

Logical mistakes law

“Rock breaks scissors. But paper covers rock, and scissors cut paper! Kiff: we have a conundrum. Search them for paper... and bring me a rock.”

The law most often observed within eRepublik, it is the law of making an utterly terrible argument, and then ignoring any and all facts that may be thrown your way during a debate, and then turning to the Law of Politics, as seen previously.

This is often used when a debate becomes politicised; if a debate is seen as a good thing by all sides, and a resolution needs to be met, often this will be seen only accidentally, or in passing. However, when it happens on a large scale, as seen recently in the eUS on the issue of hospitals, it becomes to be an irritant for many, and thus leads to people becoming idiots and the discussion dissolving into a verbal brawl, and Godwin’s law being invoked.

Brannigan’s laws. Some good, some bad. Remember them next time you see them in action, knowledge of these laws could save your life one day. Especially the Female Law. That is most important, unless you’re a fan of Chris Hansen

-Necrosis
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