Weeaboo Weekly

It was two A.M. I was sitting on the floor, a piece of pie on a plate in my hand. An old, CRT TV shining in front of me. A year old laptop sat to my right, a glaring tan/pink laughing at me. I shook my head and looked at the television. The clear signal(Dio's engineers be thanked) showed a young American woman talking about the war. P.E.A.C.E., she said were overstepping what they should be doing. I didn't know much of this politcking things, so I laughed at it and changed the channel to something funny. I took a bite of pie. Note, I was out of cake at the time. The screen flashed for a moment, I fell backwards, startled, and knocked my head on the table behind me.

Now, you may be asking, why was I sitting on the floor? Well, the price for chairs has risen considerably these past few weeks, so I decided to sell all of mine for a hefty profit, which I quickly spent on weeaboo merchandise from Hong Kong. Body pillows aside, a stared at the screen, now with a hurt head. On it, two Pakistani reporters snickered to one another, one nearly bursting laughing, while they prepared to read a report. Intrigued, I kept watching.

"Pffffffffftttt... th.. hah... this... just in, Spain has.. pffft HAHAHAHAHA"

The man fell backwards in his chair, while several members of the crew also burst into laughing. The main seating to his left managed to regain his composure, although still barely containing it.

"Ah..hahah.. uh.. Falcon had this to say..."

The screen turned gray and text began appearing.

Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

So I turned to my computer, closed out the banned notification, and looked up the latest news. So, apparently Spain had given away their entire treasury for 35 gold. There is a wonder there is even still a Spain considering such a careless act has been perpetrated by their clearly incompetent government. I've heard talk that 'Spain should get a do-over' or that 'It was a mistake, let them have it back.'. What's the point of that? They need to learn that such stupid mistakes should result in punishment, the hard way.

So, if P.E.A.C.E. is even reading, keep up the good work with exploiting stupid mistakes. If it really was an inside job, then good work for realizing the Spanish were stupid enough to be taken advantage of.

I closed the laptop, and sullenly looked over at my PS3, which I had bought. It had no games, which I was sad about, for it would be good to play a game right about now.

The TV was still on the breaking news channel, the operators laughing too hard to change it back to normal programming. I sighed, and supposed I should just wait it out, when suddenly the front door to my new house(thx) BURST OPEN.

THERE, IN BLACK ARMOR, WAS HIPPIEPIRATE, DRESSED AS BATMAN. I SCREAMED, "OH DEAR DIO", BUT HE WAS TOO FAST FOR ME. HE SMASHED INTO THE TABLE FLIPPING IT OVER, AND GRABBED ME BY MY NECK. HE STARED INTO MY EYES, AND I COULD TELL HE HAD THE COLD THOUGHTS OF BLOOD RIGHT THERE. MY SCREAMS HAD GROWN SILENT BY NOW, HIS GRIP SLOWLY TEARING THE LIFE FROM ME. HE STARED DEEP INTO MY SOUL, AS I STRUGGLED AGAINST HIS SUPERIOR MUSCLES. THEN, HE SPOKE.

"I like chocolate milk"

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on a related note, I'm looking for a boyfriend


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BUT YOU HAVE TO ACT FAST, THIS PACKAGE IS ONLY AVAILABLE WHILE SUPPLIES LAST!