Ask Agnes 02 : Your regular advice column on personal issues Day687
Day 687, 15:05
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by KiraQuest
CAN A COMMONER MARRY A PRINCESS - PREMIER SEEKS HELP FROM ePOPE DARTH SIDIOUS
A Mr W of London W1 writes:
Dear Agnes, I am besotted by a member of an exiled Royal Family who has been helping in my recent erection campaign. She is a Princess and I a mere commoner and yet I want to trifle with her and pour custard all over her naked body and have her beat me with her leather flogger having seen her in action in the forum recently. Indeed, I am very common, having lived happily in the East Midlands most of my life. Should I make a decree in Parliament to state that I am the secret love child of King Stephen and thereby to be called Prince W in future and be able to propose?
Agnes advises:
Dear Mr W , if I would be so bold as to suggest that your obsession can be cured by long cold baths and severe flagellation with birch twigs administered by one of your male political opponents so as to deter you from thinking lewd thoughts. Please also avoid opening any Ambrosia Factories during your term of office. If all else fails, please call in my brother's dear old 'friend', ePope Darth Sidious but avoid his offer to administer the flagellation and cold baths.
Agnes adds: Since giving this advice, Mr W discovered it was unreliable to pass himself off as the child of King Stephen for reasons not stated and so sought the help of ePope Sidious who visited him today at 10 eDowning Street (photo). Mr W said "After seeing the ePope, I was standing on Monday and I will now be standing for the rest of the week - sitting down is now problematic". Mr W is of indeterminate age. ePope Sidious, who bats for the other side, is 236 not out.
A Mr W of London W1 writes:
Dear Agnes, I am besotted by a member of an exiled Royal Family who has been helping in my recent erection campaign. She is a Princess and I a mere commoner and yet I want to trifle with her and pour custard all over her naked body and have her beat me with her leather flogger having seen her in action in the forum recently. Indeed, I am very common, having lived happily in the East Midlands most of my life. Should I make a decree in Parliament to state that I am the secret love child of King Stephen and thereby to be called Prince W in future and be able to propose?
Agnes advises:
Dear Mr W , if I would be so bold as to suggest that your obsession can be cured by long cold baths and severe flagellation with birch twigs administered by one of your male political opponents so as to deter you from thinking lewd thoughts. Please also avoid opening any Ambrosia Factories during your term of office. If all else fails, please call in my brother's dear old 'friend', ePope Darth Sidious but avoid his offer to administer the flagellation and cold baths.
Agnes adds: Since giving this advice, Mr W discovered it was unreliable to pass himself off as the child of King Stephen for reasons not stated and so sought the help of ePope Sidious who visited him today at 10 eDowning Street (photo). Mr W said "After seeing the ePope, I was standing on Monday and I will now be standing for the rest of the week - sitting down is now problematic". Mr W is of indeterminate age. ePope Sidious, who bats for the other side, is 236 not out.
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lol.....I fear that Kira would destroy our PM.
\o/
THIS
MEANS
WAR!
Don't you dare call me a whore.
Kira