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Here we are, with the fourth history moment... Interesting, because this is a pre-me history moment.

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Nave sends 20,000 bodybags to Canada; State of the Union Address a 30 minute stream of profanity.
By Adam Sutler

Washington D.C.

President Saikiliah stepped up his commitment to the war in Canada Wednesday, deploying an additional 20,000 body bags to military zones throughout the North American Nation. “If the U.S. is to contain the threat of rotting, fetid corpses in Canada, we need to send more bags,” Saikiliah said. “Only by zipping these dead bodies up in quality bags of durable, rubberized canvas construction can we ensure that the stench of deteriorating flesh does not spread beyond the 49th parallel and into the northernmost regions of America.”

A fleet of military transport planes flew the bags from Andrews Air Force Base to Canada, where they were greeted by cheering throngs of U.S. Army doctors and triage nurses. “When we saw those 20,000 fresh bags just arriving from the states, it warmed our hearts,” U.S. Army surgeon Malcolm Brandenburg said. “The way the war has been going lately, I don’t think we could have lasted another day without those reinforcements.”

“Just last night, the Ravens attacked an encampment of U.S. soldiers about 20 miles from here. More than 130 American GIs were killed,” Nurse Norma Hustings said. “Thank God we’ve at least got these body bags so we can wrap them up and send them back to their parents.”

In an address to the American people last night, President Saikiliah reiterated his commitment to bringing an end to the war, vowing to bring more than 50,000 U.S. Troops home in body bags by the end of this year. In addition to body bags, Saikiliah will deploy and additional 30,000 American Flags to Canada to cover the bags of fallen soldiers. “We must let the young men who are risking their lives in Canada know that we are behind them 100 percent.” Nave said. “This commitment of 30,000 American Flags sends them a strong message that when their tour of duty is over they can expect to be brought back to America a hero in a beautiful bag draped in the Stars and Stripes.”

A fresh supply of toe tags, caskets and sealed canisters of Formaldehyde are also on their way. Wednesday’s deployment brings total U.S. Body Bag commitment in Canada to 60,000. The ever-increasing number prompted Saikiliah to urge Americans to save their canvas for the war effort. “Do your part to bring American GI’s home individually wrappe😛 Conserve Canvas.” He said.

The U.S. Canada War began in early April with America’s abortive invasion of the peaceful beer-loving nation; which itself was a part of a broader trend of the time. In an effort to test the War Module, the American Declaration of war joined a string of other quick and confusing declarations. Within a short period of time, Belgium declared war on Britian, Slovakia upon the Czech Republic, Indonesia upon Australia, Pakistan upon India, Austria upon Serbia, Germany upon France, Turkey upon Russia, Bulgaria upon Britain. In the midst of the confusion, the Ottoman Empire nearly declared war on itself, while other nations struggled to remember their allies. Not to be outdone, American citizen Orvald Brunvald, a drunkard of many years’ experience, declared war on Ireland. When asked for comment, Brunvald responded, “Stay away from my wife!” and promptly passed out.

But while the other wars ended almost as quickly as they began, the US Canada war, or “The War of Nave’s Toe” as it is being called in remote circles, has become a long, drawn out quagmire of South-East Asian proportions. The continual losses of waves of American troops within recent days has taken a toll upon the American economy, and the President himself. American President Nave Saikiliah has been sending conflicting messages to the American people as of late, including a mix of patriotic, comforting, and frustrated themes. Before Wednesday’s surge, Saikiliah addressed the nation saying, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself… and a long, drawn out, crippling depression.”

Nave’s frustrations with the war and the economy were also visible during his traditional fireside chat following the failure of the recent assault on Canadian Territory. Instead of a frank and open message to the nation; Saikiliah instead opted for a stream of profanity, thirty minutes long, with nary a break to take a breath. While millions of families gathered around their radios in rapt attention for their leader’s reassuring words during this time of great hardship for the nation, the president cleared his throat, then said, in his familiar, soothing, Harvard-educated drawl, “My fellow Americans.” After the customary opening, the people of the nation huddled even closer to their radio receivers to hear every nuance of the Presidents tidbits of fatherly wisdom, recent policy actions, which would bring the War and economic stagnation to a swift end, and his positive minded thoughts about recovery.

Saikiliah then spoke again: “cock-sucker, mother-fucker, fart-fucking, tit-licking, christ-humping fucker.” The president said. He went on, adding, “ Shit, bullshit and horseshit. A good goddamn cutn-kicking asshole sucking tit-fucking piss-shitter.” He continued to swear, making no attempt to connect the obscenities to any larger theme, or even explain to what or whom the curses were directed. He spoke for nearly 30 minutes before falling silent.

Many American Political Scientists attribute this outburst to the recent troubles with the recent food shortages, labour unrest, and piss-poor war performance so far. Others on the otherhand, believe Nave merely stubbed his toe.

For the Voice of London’s foreign correspondence desk, this is Adam Sutler saying God Keep our Land Glorious and Free, and until the next time,

England Prevails!

I'd love to answer questions for this article... but it's from before I was even around, so I may not be able to answer most of them.

However, some eCanadian veterans such as Banach may be able to answer the questions, so let's hope for that.

Cheers,
David Eastcorner