Announcing: Te Pori

Day 1,138, 15:20 • Published in New Zealand New Zealand • by WahooBob


Kia Ora my fellow New Zealanders.

I have a very important announcement to make today, followed by a cartoon by Dncelyn. I am not running for president of New Zealand or any other country. Instead, I am going to be running a militia, along with Gaius Marcus and Marcos Arolia.

In an unrelated note, Adam Reese has been named the official Presidential candidate from the New Zealand Solidaridy Union. This is an unfortunate mistake by our party president, and certain “features” of eBugpublik are preventing him from correcting this.



Why does New Zealand need a militia?
To be honest, I wish we didn’t. The official army, though, has suffered an endless number of setbacks and never really got off the ground. NZDF, as it is called, was first started before New Zealand was really even on the map. Many people joined, but since we had no treasury, they had no money. The leadership was harassed in the media and on the forums for accepting funding from Max McFarland 2 to pay for a deployment to Pakistan against India. With no money and no battles, people quickly lost interest. By the time a Congress could be elected and money donated to the army, the majority of the people once involved had gotten bored and moved on to something else. In it’s current stage, the NZDF is run by Bass Junkie (who is on a leave of absence due to RL problems) and a Serbian who’s name escapes me because I have never seen him on the forums or in the media. There has not been a deployment of the NZDF since the Pakistan trip, and many players report being ignored by the admissions staff.

So tell us about this new militia.
It will be called Te Pori, a Maori word meaning “The People.” Since the vast majority of the Serb/Slov Congress refuses to negotiate with other parties and donates to their own private treasury, Te Pori will be self-sufficient. This means that members will be working in commune-style companies for wages approximately half of the current market value. This is common in most other paramilitary groups. In exchange for this labor, militia members are promised food for battles at least once per week and for all major battles. We will expect all members to be active, participating on the community forums and in IRC.

What’s in it for me?
In addition to the food for battles (and perhaps sometimes weapons), the biggest advantage to joining a militia groups is the community. In many aspects of this game, it is all about who you know. By joining a group of other active New Zealanders like yourself, you are building bonds and connections that may last for years. In Te Pori, no one person is better than another; we are all equals. You can also expect that Te Pori’s leaders will always be active and ready to answer any questions and concerns our members might have.



Who will you be fighting for?
First and foremost, Te Pori is a New Zealand militia. We will place defense of our own isles as the highest priority. We will not fight exclusively for nor against PanAm, EDEN, (what’s left of) Phoenix, or any other group. We will fight for New Zealand.

Who can join Te Pori?
Anybody who has New Zealand citizenship is welcome to join our militia. We do ask that members are active in the New Zealand community forums, and that all members work in a commune company for around half of a normal wage.
Anyone who is interested in joining, or learning more about Te Pori can send a PM to myself, Gaius Marcus, or Marcos Arolia. We are accepting applications starting right now (and will actually be responding to them, too!)

What about that Dncelyn comic you promised me?
Here it is, the third edition of Weekend Update’s DNComics:


As always, click on the image for a larger version