Animal Farm: The Revolution Begins!

Day 1,115, 22:09 • Published in USA USA • by Comrade Laika

It was day 1,678 and many young pugs sat around the fire listening intensely to the old pug sitting in his rocking chair. The very old Phoenix Quinn was about to tell them about the very crucial rise to power of the pugs that came from the Glorious Counter-Revolution-Revolution of 1,126. Of course he did not get straight to the story, first he went on a long lesson about pragmatism . The kids not understanding the intellectual jokes smiled and nodded to make him feel better while they patiently waited for him to get on to the awesome story of Counter-Revolution-Revolution.

"The revolutionary guards say: 'Lady, we are asking you for a description of your husband that corresponds to your actual husband.'

The woman, who has clearly been studying at the Free University, responds: "Correspondence, shmorrespondence! Truth cannot be determined solely by epistemological criteria, because the adequacy of those criteria cannot be determined apart from the goals sought and values held. That is to say, in the end, truth is what satisfies, and, Admin knows, my husband didn't do that.'"

And he chuckled to himself and got on with the story:

Long ago a house spontaneously appeared from Admins mind between two great bodies of water called the eUnited States. Tradition says Admin saw his creation and said "Meh, that's good enough, I'm going to rest". Two days later when Admin woke up from his power-nap he realized a house was worth nothing if humans weren't inhabiting it. So he created humans to inhabit the eUSA.

A few days later Admin realized that the human was tired and could not do all the work on his own. So he created cats and dogs to help the human out with the workload. Soon enough the human did no work and the cat and dog did all the labor while he was crowned "President of the United States of America". Cats were always the lazy ones though and they got more freedom than the dogs. Cats sat around and slept most of the day and when they woke up they would not work. And they'd sleep at the foot of the Presidents bed.

So the dogs had to carry most of the weight. They did the laundry, washed the dishes, entertained the humans kids(We call them Congressmen) and at the end of the day they had to go out back and sleep in a small dog house that they built himself. The rent was too damn high and during the winter it was cold. The dogs lived it's life like this everyday, until one day...

...one day the human saw that the cats were very dirty. So he decided he would give the cats a bath. Now you know damn well that cats don't like water, so when the cats caught wind of this they planned a revolution! When the cats let the dogs in on the plan they told them the dogs would have freedom, that they would no longer have to live under the dictatorship of the humans, and that they wouldn't have to pay their rent for two months. Figuring that they wouldn't be able to pay this months rent they quickly agreed.

Of course because they were Meowists they thought a PPW(Protracted Pet's War) was the best policy to achieve their revolution. So they sent in a dog to kill the POTUS but the assassination attempt failed miserably. Thinking the dog was just rabid they thought nothing of it. So they took him out back and shot him. That was the end of the martyr Old Yeller. After seeing how fail that was they decided to launch a full on attack which was led by the dogs against the POTUS and his family. The dogs captured the family in the upstairs master-bedroom and they surrendered and were ordered by the cats to be executed.

After the battle(in which many dogs died for the cats revolution, zero cats died) the cats immediately took power and said they were ruling in the interest of all the Pet's. In reality the dogs still lived in a subservient relationship, this time under the cats. But they could stand it for now. Until two months later when the rent was due...

The old man Phoenix Quinn was tired and thought this a perfect place to take a break so he can have a power-nap so he did...