Americans Attacked!

Day 482, 16:21 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

The Fieldist Volume II, Issue 11
The News V. Fox Doesn't Want You to Know!

American Mexico Occupied by Mexicans and Portuguese
President of America UncleSam gave up the newly formed American states of Baja, the Northwest, and the Northeast last night, as Portuguese military forces broke out of Central Highlands and into the Northeast. After ordering an estimated 200 National Guardsmen into the Northeast during Operation Alamo, UncleSam retreated from the battle, stranding many in the former states.

The Fieldist went on a tour of the White House intending to ambush the President in the Oval Office, but found that the Secret Service is very protective. However, a janitor who refused to give his name said that the President did it "for the 'lulz'." He also reported that the President is fond of using janitors as foot rests and step stools.

Americans in the 51st through 53rd states were understandably angry at the US pullout. Said one American, "I just became an American citizen after being a Mexican for most of my life, and now I am being occupied by Mexicans! I hate Mexicans! They're as bad as Poles! Already they've burned down my business!" His brother, across the border in Northeast told us of the Portuguese atrocities committed against Americans in Mexico, "They have not only placed all the US National Guardsmen in shoddily-built POW camps which the Guards constantly escape from, but they also mock us for living in Mexico. I was recently told by a Portuguese citizen that I was nothing but a damn fool for living in Mexico, especially since it lacks any kind of hospital. Hey, we didn't land on Mexico, Mexico landed on us."

The loss of American Mexico has reverberating repercussions throughout the world. Not only did it shatter the myth of American superiority (with the added effect of bringing the Pan-American Lobby to its end), but Mexico is now divided by a Portuguese Corridor, which the Fieldist has on good authority is not going to be returned. Instead, Portugal is claiming this area as a "Western Hemisphere colónia." Already Portugal is using Mexicans and Americans in the area as slave labor.

ATLANTIS too suffered a blow when it refused to assist the USA. A member of the ATLANTIS Supreme Commander's staff said that he totally heard the SC say, "Stuff the USA." Also, the Secretary General is such a skank.

To our citizens in American Mexico, we at the Fieldist say this: you will forever be considered part of the American Homeland. We will never forget your occupation by these foreign scoundrels. We will always remember. And be prepared, for we will return. Some bright day, you will be reunited with your brothers and sisters to the north.

Dishmcds Seizes Power In Mexico
Advisors to "Canciller del Imperio Dishmcds" as he is now known south of the Rio Grande told the Fieldist that ex-former US president Dishmcds has taken control of Mexico. Dishmcds, and his totalitarian Partido Izquierda Democratica (PID or "Parizca" as we at the Fieldist call them) came to power last night as his gang of British thugs and Mexican traitors elected him and politically marginalized and intimidated opponents.

Mexican Presidente Mama Daker has officially appointed Dishmcds his "Canciller del Imperio" and ceded a large portion of his official power to the displaced ex-American. Dishmcds has promised swift retribution against any Americans in the Mexican-controlled US states of Baja and the Northwest, as well as labeling all those in those states at the time of their capture as "collaborators".

Advisors, who refused to give their names, but wore Parizca armbands and had matching Van Dykes and horn-rimmed glasses, said that Dishmcds will allow elections to continue, so that the Mexican people and the world can pretend that the democratic process continues. The reality will be that all presidents, even those from competing parties, will be controlled by the Canciller del Imperio. However, the Parizca is the fastest-growing party in Mexico, which, with its British support, seems to have the ability to dominate Mexican politics for weeks to come.

The Fieldist is sick of foreign powers controlling Mexico. America needs to formulate a clear Monroe doctrine, as well as diplomatically isolating Mexico. These kinds of foreign takeovers and dictatorships threaten the stability of the region, and as we have seen, the globe.