American Media To Be Hijacked

Day 469, 21:29 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

The Fieldist Volume II, Issue 6
The News D. B. Cooper Doesn't Want You To Know!

Off-Balance Fieldist Editor-in-Chief Threatens American News
Ladies and gentlemen, I have a list of demands which I will be making. If my demands are not met in a timely fashion, I will hijack the American Media at a time of my choosing, writing only middling-or-lower quality articles about random topics that I will choose.

Currently I am entertaining ideas where I: lampoon the newspapers closest to me on rankings, parody the "subscribe for cash" type articles, write a serious article, apologize for hijacking and the CPUSA article and the predecessor the the Fieldist, Insight to Riot, call for the execution of all political enemies of the USA, attack ATLANTIS, predict that Desertfalcon will destroy this country, predict that Jewitt will become a dictator, predict that Uncle Sam will become a messiah, predict that scrabman will declare war on every other country.

When I started the Fieldist I thought I would run out of ideas after three issues. That's not been the case. I can write endlessly. That is a threat.

The following is the list of demands:

1. 100 people or more must subscribe to the Fieldist.
2. Said people must pay me 1 USD.
3. Tajori must stop writing articles.
4. My name must be cleared of wrongdoing in the case of Evelyn Houston.
5. I could use some gold as well.
6. Maybe some Snickers.
7. And some snickerdoodles, because I don't know what those are.
8. A major presidential candidate must seek my endorsement by making me their Fun Czar.
9. All I want is a little love.
10. Cash for subscription articles must die off for a week.
11. This is serious. The threat is real.

If any or all of the demands are not met, I will shut out all competitors in a critical mass of articles that will blind you with the kind of quality you've come to expect from the Fieldist. Or perhaps blind you with better quality than you're used to if you don't read the Fieldist.

I do this for the good of the country, as well as my own peace of mind.

Demands fulfille😛
1. 37 subscriptions
2. 2 USD, .09 ESP
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5. .1 gold
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