America Running a Shortage on Pants

Day 1,377, 13:58 • Published in USA USA • by Aeroner

Just weeks after liberating their last state from invaders, the United States is running short on pants.

"You heard right." Said Department Store owner Munchma Quchi. "We're running out of leg wear, left and right. I don't know what the problem is. Shipments have just stopped coming."

This trouser terror is suspected to last until October's presidential elections, and this bloomer blooper was noticed by National Knicker Association on August 25th.

"It's really something." Said NKA Chairman Jean Drawers. "It's also the same day now-presidential candidate Paul Proteus announced his bid for the highest office in the land."

"I doubt they're related."

Related or not, this denim debacle has led to much skepticism over whether the government was prepared for such shortages, and what they were doing to prevent it. Americans still remember the shortages in Nebraska and Kansas during the invasion, and the taste of weeks old Deer meat is still bitter in some citizens' mouths.

"How will I clothe my children? Will they be forced to wear...shorts?" said concerned mother who requested her name be kept anonymous.

"My children will not be forced to wear shorts or my name isn't Megan Q. Porter!"

Experts on the subject, hired by none other than Pawn Stars host Rick Harrison, had this to say;

"We think its definitely connected to Protetus' bid for presidency. In scientific terms, the sheer excitement from the announcement led everyone to jizz their pants simultaneously. The announcement was so awesome that the pants jizzed themselves, that's really the only explanation.

Usually we'd pay a lot for pants that jizzed themselves, but there's really no market for it."

Scientist Liq Mateet and his faithful band of jeneologists will attempt to crack this shortage, by making their own, artificial jenes.

"All we gotta do is map the jene code, and we can make all the artificial jenes we want."

"Oh and Paul is Awesome."