America INVADED! You Can Stop The Invasion Now!

Day 1,145, 16:00 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

Issue 10
"Quality or Quantity? The Fieldist says 'Why not both?'" ~Hard Logic, Brit, but a decent Brit


Serbs And Turks In The US
Loyal readers of The Fieldist will remember the recent report on Turks attempting to enter the country. The Fieldist has learned that these Turks are now recruiting Americans of Turkish origin for their dastardly plans. Likewise, America faces a further threat from another source; Serbs. A recent Serb has come into the country, attempting to say that he "comes in peace" (just like all aliens say, just before they probe you). However, he's part of the growing Serbian-born Texas Oppression Group, which seeks to turn Texas into a Serbian colony, just like they did to New Zealand.


(Don't let them turn our country into this!)

We all know the real reason that these Balkan ghouls want to be in America: they hate our freedom. But apparently, some American Congress people hate freedom as well, after all, they let some of these foreigners into our country. They want to steal our freedom, and as well all know, freedom is a finite resource. If we want to keep ours, we'll have to take someone else's, just like we got a lot more freedom after we conquered Mexico.


Grain Prices Going Up!
According to The Flaming Press, grain prices have steadily increased from 2 cents to a high of 15 cents before dropping to its current price of 11 cents. This of course means an over 550% increase in the price of grain since TFP started measuring in September. Speculation remains over why grain prices have climbed so high, though production levels have most likely increased during the past few months. Whatever the reasons, grain prices may have effected the price of food, which also rose in the same time period before easing down recently.


(Picture😛 either grain or a handful of mealworms. Lots and lots of mealworms)

"Locusts, I reckon," said one crusty old grain farmer, who refused to give his name in case The Fieldist was the "gummint." Casually, he pause to spit his "tobaccy" before looking out at the fields of grain with his one good eye. "Ayup, either them dagnabit locusts or them grain burnin' machines, what they have in the cities to force us poor farmers to raise prices and all." When questioned further on the machines, he refused to elaborate, saying "city folk, dumber than a cow pie."


EDEN Wimps Out On Poland
Remaining super-alliance EDEN announced today that President of Finland Avec will return to his post of Supreme Commander of EDEN. The alliance, which has been plagued by rumors of its demise, is facing a largely changed world, one in which EDEN stalwart Poland has joined with Hungary in direct violation of EDEN's charter. Furthermore, it's becoming increasing irrelevant with the collapse of Phoenix and the rise of the tentatively-named PANAM.


(They're both getting screwed, also Poland dresses poorly)

Poland, instead of being ejected, simply was allowed to play both sides like a manipulative preteen, as EDEN was unwilling to part with the rogue nation because "they're really powerful." EDEN is facing increased fire as new alliances chip away at its membership. Mr. Avec was overhead in the EDEN Headquarters' bathroom whistling Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days", a move which many thought an exceedingly bad sign.

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