America Betrayed!

Day 481, 12:48 • Published in USA USA • by SamWystan

The Fieldist Volume II, Issue 10
The News MacBeth Doesn't Want You to Know

Citizens Respond to Loss of American Mexico
All Americans looked on with pride as Uncle Sam, flush with victory from Operation Taco Bell, paraded through Washington in a triumphant ceremony a few weeks ago. Children lined the streets, people tied the the new 53-star flag to their dogs tails to be extra patriotic, and some people even painted their triplets red, white, and blue. Pacifists hid under their beds, while anti-imperialists sat in their cafes, sipping their mocha lattes with a shot of expresso all the while saying that no good would come of this.

In short, no one could've predicted the turn for the worse that happened earlier this week when Portuguese commandos landed on Mexican shores as part of Operação Linguiça. In a promise of "Mexico for Portugal! Mexico for Peace!" the Portuguese dictator hideway sent waves of soldiers against their unprepared American counterparts, who were caught swimming in the Gulf when amphibious tanks and Portuguese frogmen came ashore. Thus, the liberation of Mexico was turned back, and the continued occupation of Mexico by Portugal begins.

Americans were shocked and dismayed. "Portuguese! They're almost as bad as those Poles we drove out!" said one citizen as he watered his lawn. "I'm angry," said one business owner, "I was looking forward to offering jobs in American Mexico, but no more. If this is the way they treat their liberators, I see no reason to remain liberating them."

But it wasn't all outside forces that attempted to betray America. Indeed, ex-former American President Dishmcds led the e😜at American anti-American response. Alongside him were pacifist members of America, who fought for Mexico, plus a group calling themselves AFP, or "Americans For PEACE" who contained members of all political spectrums.

Others, however, clung to their guns. One Romanian flag-waving company put out their newspaper, in complete denial of current events, and noted that there are several interesting countries farther to the South.

Uncle Sam Threatened With Impeachment Again!
After the initial USWP-backed coup begun by AidenAstrup at the end of February, the so-called "Vanguard Party" of the USWP attempted to coup Uncle Sam again, this time led by its General Secretary ProggyPop. Rejected by a slim margin of 23 for, with 24 against, the coup failed.

Once again, the USWP has failed to side-step the democratic process and remove a sitting president in favor of their candidate of choice. The Fieldist can only recommend that UncleSam pursue the course we laid last time this event happene😛 the execution or exile of all anti-UncleSam forces in the United States.

As for the USWP, the Fieldist offered up a plan of action for them the last time they attempted to change our American Democracy. However, this time, we can only say this: if you're gonna go after Superman, y'all best bring some kryptonite.

Fieldist Editor-in-Chief Recovers
Many of you know that I was struck down by a heart attack as a result of brain failure over a week ago. I'm proud to say that I'm now able to return to my duties as editor of the Fieldist News Magazine. Luke Fnord will be returning to his duties as Assistant Editor.

I'll also be returning to active duty as a USNG lieutenant and to my teaching duties as a professor at PCRI. And, if all goes as planned, I may begin something to change this country. But it will be dependent on you, the loyal reader of the Fieldist. So please stay subscribed to the Fieldist, and we'll keep you up-to-date on the latest in the News, and the News behind the News.

One more thing: I'm coming for you. You know who you are.