All Quiet On The Politics Front = :(

Day 2,162, 01:11 • Published in Canada Canada • by Keven Traide

I heard something about a leak; some limey is trading eCanadian state secrets for handy-j's from some homeless brit named Quincey (because all homeless brits have classy names that also have a tendency to probably belong to male strippers).

Now, I don't know much about leaking, and I don't know if it's possible to actually do anything about it, but can't you just take him and boot him off the forums? Delete all his accounts and stuff?

I mean, I don't even have an account on that site because I activated mine more than four years ago, and it has been deactivated since then. Naturally, every time I try and fix that issue, nobody responds. It might help if I knew who to go to, or, like, cared enough to go to them.

Anyways, other than the leak, has anything even happened? Congressional elections are coming up, but all the drama has seemingly ceased. Please allow me to create some, because then politics won't be boring on the 25th!

-It is a well known fact that IBB93 is an inept manipulator, attempting to be some kind of puppet master, just because he irrationally hates our neighbours to the south without even giving them a chance to prove themselves. He just hatehatehates them. What a derp.

-I have it on good authority that Temujin is not, in fact, a butt at all. I understand he is a pretty great d00d, and would totally help you move a couch into your third story apartment if you gave him a Dirty Limey (which is what I'm calling the eUK homeless guy's handy-j's from now on). Or a beer. But he'd probably prefer the Dirty Limey.

-Dr. Manhattanus porked my girlfriend and now she glows in the dark. This was initially distressing, but is now a fun new way to play Find The Teacup In The Bedsheets. (If she ever figures out how to log back on to eRepublik, I'm going to catch crap for that one, but it's still snickerworthy). Never trust Dr. Manhattanus. Women go all weak in the knees for him, I guess.

-Did you know the eUSA thought that ePoland and eSpain doubleteaming them like two guys going after IBB93 in a club's men's room was World War VI? They're a little bit full of themselves, eh? It's nice to see they went the way of eCanada and bought themselves a few regions and left the others up to their oppressors rent free. Good on them, coming to their senses.

-I understand that herp totally derps and er mah gerd. Derp derp derp derp derp. I will one day write an article that is just the word 'Derp' several hundred times, for teh lulz.

I SHOULD RUN FOR CONGRESS 😮 AND PRESIDENT 😮

You would totally vote for me, right? I mean, look at all the whistles I'm blowing! Probably none of them are true. Well, except for the one about Temujin. Guy's pretty awesome.

(I bet I spelled his name wrong. I bet I did it on purpose, if I did. If not, it's okay, cause he's a pretty cool guy, even though I've never actually spoken to him in any real capacity.)

Stay tuned for next time, eCanada.

(The views expressed and presented in this article in no way resemble 'fact', and are, in fact, completely ludicrous.)