Alice in Woldyland (part 2)

Day 2,021, 16:15 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Horice G Fossil

So when we last left Alice she had just found her way to the eUK forums, and had been
dragged into 'Woldean Court', Wayne had sidled up to her and whispered in her ear
"Welcome to the eUK Forums..." So now we'll continue, as did Wayne...
"...Such a lovely place, such a lovely pace, plenty of room in the eUK forum any time of
year you can find it HERE! it's mind is Tiffany-twisted, its got the Mercedes bends,
its got a lot of pretty, pretty boys you can call friends, how they dance in the courtyard,
sweet summer sweat. Some post to remember, some post to forget. So I called up
the Admin, 'Please bring me my wine' He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since
nineteen sixty nine.' And still those voices are calling from far away, Wake you up in
the middle of the night just to hear them say, 'Welcome to the eUK forum Such a lovely
place, such a lovely pace, they livin' it up on the eUK forum what a nice surprise, bring
your alibis! Mirrors on the ceiling, the pink champagne on ice, and Goku said 'We are
all just prisoners here, of our own device' and in the Admin's chambers, they gathered
for the feast, they stab it with their steely knives, but they just can't ban the beast. Last
thing I remember, you was running for the door,trying to find the back passage to the
place you were before 'Relax' said the Admin, 'We are programmed to receive. You can
log-out any time you like, but you can never leave!'"

Woldy looked up from his manifesto, "What the feck are you on about Wayne, have you
been helping yourself to BigAnt's methylated spirits again?" Alice peered over Woldy's
sholder and tried to read what was written on the parchment he held in his hand. She
noticed that BigAnt was also taking a keen interest in Woldy's manifesto, he appeared
to be copying it onto his own piece of parchment, although on the top it had 'All my
own ideas' scrawled in red crayon, and 'BigAnt for Admin' scrawled in black crayon.

Suddenly Wayne dropped his trouser and began to urinate over Woldy's well polished
brown brogues, twisting mid flow to catch BigAnt's pink fluffy slippers with the golden
shower. Alice used the ensuing altercation to quietly slip out the door, and back into the
corridor. Once there she hoisted her skirt and ran for all she was worth, more desperate
than ever to find her way back to Diakun's back passage, but still having no idea how!
Alice ran along seemingly endless corridors until finally she came to a dead end. She
could hear the sound of running feet behind her, and just make out the voices of the
three main candidates, still arguing "What the feck did you do that for Wayne, those were
my second best slippers you utter bastard!" Alice spun round in a panic, desperate for
somewhere to hide from the pursuing politicos, when she noticed and small round door.

The door was about ten inches in diameter, it was painted red and, as with every other
door she had come across, had a small sign nailed to it: 'Presidential Announcements',
Alice got on all fours and squeezed herself through the tiny doorway. Once inside Alice
stood up and was nearly overpowered by the stench rotten fish! It was then that she
noticed the hunched figure sitting in the shadows atop an immense pile of something
indescribable."Hello comrade I am the General Secretary of the Central Committee for
the eUK, Ayame Crocodile. Would you care for some mackeral, I have plenty." Alice turned
to run but suddenly a large halibut caught her square between the eyes, as she passed
into unconsciousness Alice heard Ayame Crocodile speak into her phone, "Prof. Moriarty
if you want to keep your job you had better get your idle arse over her toot sweet, savy!"
Alice fell to the floor and as rancid sardines rained down on her everything went black...



Horice