Alice in Woldyland

Day 2,018, 07:22 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Horice G Fossil

Alice strolled up the path leading to Diakun's house, she reached Diakun's front door
and excitedly took hold of his large shiny knob, giving it a firm twist. But alas nothing
happened, she adjusted her grip and once again manipulated Diakun's huge appendage.
Realising that she was getting nowhere, Alice decided to move round to Diakun's rear.
Reaching the back Alice trembled with anticipation at her first glimpse of Diakun's
imposing back passage, the flattened undergrowth showed it been regularly used.

Plucking up her courage Alice peered in, Suddenly she was aware of someone behind
her. To her horror as she looked back there was Butjam emerging from Diakun's thick
undergrowth, ban hammer in hand. He stuck Alice a swift blow to the forehead, all Alice
could hear was his maniacal laughter as she plunged headfirst into Diakun's dank rear
entrance! The world began to spin, and the gound fell away beneath Alice's feet...

Alice slowly came to, she was immediately aware of a group of people looming over
her "Where am I, who are you, and stop trying to look up my skirt you dirty feckers!"
The group jumped back, and after the briefest of hesitations they all began to shout at
once, "I'm the next Primeminister of the eUK, if you're new here you should vote for me!"
Alice stood up repeating her question, "Shut up, all I want to know is where am I?"
After a few minutes the group stopped bickering and turned to Alice, the eldest of
the group stepped forward,"Sorry my dear allow me introduce myself and my fellow
candidates. I'm HRH Woldy and this is my realm, otherwise known as the eUK. This chappy
with the stupid hat is WayneKerr, the guy in the dress is BigAnt and some random bloke"
This caused the bickering to erupt once more, BigAnt punching, kicking and biting the
others, telling them they should all get along with each other for the good of the eUK

While they were busy fighting Alice slipped away, desperate to find her way to Diakun's
back passage. Before very long she came across another strange group sitting around
a table drinking tea. As Alice approached them one of the group looked up, he was an
evil looking cove, he spoke "Hello little girl, come sit down,are you new here? If you know
what's good for you you'll come join us, we're the Tea Up Party the only real Party in the
entire eUK. I'm Mr Keers, and I'll give you tea and biscuits if join us, but if you don't..." He
trailed off leaving the unspoken threat floating in the air, Alice stood up, turned and ran.
She hadn't gone far when a strange looking castle came into view, Alice wandered in...

there were mile upon mile of seemingly deserted corridors, Alice wandered them for
hours without meeting a single person. She passed door after door, many nailed shut.
Alice noticed that every door had a hand written sign pinned to it, BBH, General, Sports
to name a few. Finally she came across a door marked 'Woldean Court' and could hear
the sound of shouting coming from inside. Alice placed her hand upon the knob, but for
the second time that day the door refused to open. Alice took hold of the two huge brass
knockers that were bolted to the door and knocked! The door opened and Alice was
dragged inside, there before her were Woldy, Wayne and BigAnt still arguing about who
was best for the eUK. They all turned to face Alice, Wayne walked forward and whispered,
"Welcome to the eUK Forums..."



Horice