A Hero Arises

Day 1,165, 20:45 • Published in USA USA • by Gulden Draak

Greetings my fellow Americans, it has been a little while since I addressed you last. By now my friends, you have seen several candidates declare themselves for the office of POTUS. However, I am the only g-damn american hero who has declared for the office of POTUS. They are candidates, but I am a hero. America needs a hero. We have shit our metaphorical diaper and it is now time for a good old cleanup. This wasn't a pleasant shit either my friends. I am talking a hard boiled egg bathed in curry and then covered in chipotle style shit. A shit, only a hero can cleanup.

These candidates that have declared so far, have promised you pipe dreams America. They have created holes they cannot fill. Let me fill your holes America. In the coming days you will hear promises from the candidates, but do not let their words tickle your ears. They are only telling what you want to hear so that they can have your vote. I want your respect before I want your vote. You see my friends, I realize that if you respect me, you will vote for me. They do not realize this fact and would instead give you false hope and false change to sway your vote kind of like a RL president I know. In the coming days you will hear more from me. Until then just hang tight, and as the homeless man who came in my hand on the subway sai😛 Shit just got real son

Stay thirsty my friends,

Gulden Draak