Join the new world

A guy is at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Pete is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy of entering. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, "You know, I can't see that you did anything really good in your life but, you never did anything bad either. Tell you what, if you can tell me of one REALLY good deed that you did in your life, you're in."

The guy thinks for a moment and says, "Yeah, there was this one time when I was drivin' down the highway and I saw a giant group of KKK Biker Gang Rapists assaulting this poor girl. I slowed down my car to see what was going on, and sure enough, there they were, about 50 of 'em torturing this chick. Infuriated, I get out my car, grabbed a tire iron out of my trunk, and walked straight up to the leader of the gang, a huge guy with a studded leather jacket and a chain running from his nose to his ear. As I walked up to the leader, the KKK Biker Gang Rapists formed a circle around me.

So, I rip the leader's chain off his face and smash him over the head with the tire iron. Then I turned around and yell to the rest of them, 'Leave this poor, innocent girl alone! You're all a bunch of sick, deranged animals! Go home before I teach you all a lesson in pain!'"

St. Peter, impressed, says "Really? When did this happen?"

"Oh, about two minutes ago."



Adam and Eve Joke

Adam stayed out very late for a few nights and Eve became very upset.
"You're fooling around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded,
"You're the only woman on earth."
The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep.
A shot time later hi was awakened by someone poking him in the chest.
It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs" said Eve.....


Why Computers are Female

1. They quit working for illogical reasons.
2. They are black holes for absorption of money.
3. No matter what you buy them, it is old-fashioned in 6 months at most.
4. No secret is really safe in a computer.
5. They can't do anything without the help of a technician.
6. They remember only what they want to remember, but they remember that for a long time.
7. They speak in riddles and deliberately misunderstand what you tell them.
8. They have a secret language for communicating with other computers.
9. The right ones will do just about anything if you pay enough.
10.They run up a big telephone bill.


Easter Bunny

A man was driving along the highway and saw the Easter bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting it, but the bunny jumped right back in front of the car and was hit. The basket of eggs and candy went flying all over the place. The driver was a very sensitive person, as well as an animal lover. He pulled over to the side of the road to see what happened to the Easter bunny. Much to his sadness, the colorful Easter bunny was dead.

The driver felt so awful that he began to cry. A woman driving down the road saw him, pulled over and stopped. She got out of her car and asked the man what happened.

"I feel terrible", the man said. "I accidentally hit the Easter bunny and killed it. There also may not be an Easter because of this. What should I do?"

The woman told the man not to worry, that she knew what to do. She went to the trunk of her car and pulled out a spray can.

She went over to the Easter bunny and sprayed the contents all over the furry animal. Miraculously, the Easter bunny came back to life, jumped up, gathered the eggs and candy, waved its paw at the man and woman and hopped down the road.

Fifty yards away the Easter bunny stopped, turned around, waved and then hopped down the road. Fifty yards away the Bunny stopped again, turned around and waved. In about fifty yards, he again stopped, turned around and waved.

The man was astonished. He couldn't figure out what was in the spray can. He asked the woman, "what's in your spray can, what did you spray on the bunny?"

The woman turned the can around so the man could read the label. It rea😛 "Hair Spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."



Blonde Logic Joke

A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.

One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon.

The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."

"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."

"Okay," said the brunette. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."

The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?"

"No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."