So, here's a completely biased David Letterman style top 10 as to why you should vote for me as President. I repeat, these are completely biased. I would even say one of them shameless:
10. I'm old. That means I have a better understanding of the Geo-Political Scene than any other candidate. I know more Presidents, and most importantly, I know who to check with as far as allies are concerned BEFORE I make decisions.
9. My haircut is better. I mean come on Justin, just look at it. If you win, as your first decree you should open the treasury for a pair of clippers.
8. I am not an expert in anything. And I am not afraid to admit it. I am good at a lot of things, but I am no expert like Nave was at Econ, or Platonic and his contracts. I listen to my advisors, my citizens (ask anyone who visits chat), and most importantly, my country.
7. My plans are more realistic and laid out. Actually I'll do you one better. My plans are your plans, only they were mine first. Criticising your platform, almost everything you have listed I listed under a different name. I even have the healthcare section worked out. So, I can say that your plans, are actually my plans, just put into different words and presented afterwards.
6. I am the most prepared for the job. I have worked in government for over 4 months as DoD and VP. I know the workings of it, how it's currently set up, and how we need to change it to make it run with more fluidity. I know who's best qualified, I have all the applications, and I can make better decisions quicker for things.
5. Sacramento is just better than Tallahassee. No explanation necessary.
4. I have more business experience than anyone else. I have run them long term making sure my employees needs came first at my own expense for quite some time. Ask them if their salaries are fair. If elected I promise to promote business ethics and emplopyee's rights within this country. It's high time owners stopped treating their employees like mules.
3. I'm clearly better looking, even without the Jessica Alba avatar.
2. I have the endorsement of almost every major political leader in this country, and many from the International community including two of our strongest allies in the world. In times where we must decide where we stand on conflicts such as the Czech/Hungary war, I am better prepared to handle that.
1. I can spell "S-I-N-C-E". Ex: Since I was a young boy, I have been walking home from school. We cannot have a President that cannot differentiate between "S-I-N-C-E" and Sense.
So, vote for me. I am more active, older, more awesome, and just better overall.
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