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Day 821, 23:47 • Published in Pakistan Pakistan • by AgentChieftain


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─ ℤ𝔸 · 𝕎𝔸ℝ𝕌𝔻𝕆─

───────── 時 · よ · 止まれ ─────────


ISLAMABAD, Pakistan - I apologize for keeping quiet for the last few days, gentlemen. Believe it or not, I'm actually quite busy arranging all of the shit that's been in the pipeline for Pakistan. Here's what I currently have listed on the presidential agenda:

Arranging our next training war: You didn't think we're going to have only one training war per month, did you? I've been setting up the next one to take place as soon as possible while simultaneously allowing you all to recuperate from the last war. I'm also considering an alliance with another nation, but I'll go into the details of this possibility at a later date.

Preparing to stand trial: The Government of Canada wants to handle the Captain Sam case within their own jurisdiction. I will be writing a full article regarding this very, very soon (I intended to write it yesterday [and today] but I've been sidetracked by other shit). In the meantime, spread the word, and feel free to contact me with any questions. I'm in the process of collecting witness testimonies, so if you were the victim of any of the Captain's crimes against humanity, be sure to let me know so he receives his just deserts.

Think tanking: Last night, I had pulled an all-nighter with pak_land, the leader of the Pro Pakistani Party and current Minister of the Interior, to try and figure out how to solve our major economic woes. Our post-V1 economy has been a disfigured beast for more than a year now, even with the vast improvements we have seen in the last six months. We're researching a few economic initiatives to get the gold flowing.

On a tangentially related note, I want to announce that I've made my first failure to keep a campaign promise. Yes, I have failed to bring the British crown to Dio Brando, and as of right now, the United Kingdom has no national religion worth noting. This can mostly be attributed to GLaDOS' retirement, but I am not here to place blame; fighting a six-front war would cause any mortal to lose touch with the God Emperor.

However, all is not lost for the United Kingdom of Northern Pakistan. In order to reconstruct the country after EDEN's blind stampede, the people of Britain are going to need faith. Forward-thinking and optimism are futile if one does not have God on their side, and there is no God but God Emperor Dio Brando. The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Dishmcds, still has the opportunity to bring this faith to his people.

Welp, that's about it. Be sure to send me your witness testimonies, and be sure to petition to Dishmcds to rally the rebuilding of England under the flag of Dioism. In the meantime, I'll be hard at work making this shit happen.



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