[XLI] THE X-FILES / ISSUE 08

Day 3,176, 20:48 • Published in USA USA • by Hadrian X

 
SECTIONS
I. & II. SPECIAL FEATURE / THE XLYMPICS
III.  THIRD BASE (aka THE HOT CORNER) – Darya Klishina.  The only Russian you need to know.  Well her and maybe Khotko, but for different reasons entirely.
IV.  EDITOR’S NOTES
 

 

 
I. THE XLYMPICS – A PRIMER
By Hadrian X
 
“Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends
We're so glad you could attend
Come inside! Come inside!”

Greetings and salutations my fellow eMericans.
 
Summer’s a slow time on eRep, but we’re about to speed it up… or, heat it up.  Or… whatever.  We’re gonna do something cool.  In honor of that trash ridden Zika fest in Brazil, we’re having an epic contest of brains and graphic design wizardry and it shall be known as – THE XLYMPIC GAMES.
 
But Hadrian, are you drunk?  Or stupid?  Or drunk and stupid?

My answer is maybe both.  But that’s not the point. No one participates in these stupid eRep contests they say.  It’s a waste of time they say.  Well I say, I’m gonna do it anyway because I like doing stupid things and making them awesome.  So let’s do that thing I just said.  Sound good?
 
To prove it, we’re going to be giving away shiny metal colored medals for the best writing, graphic design, sick burns and more.  We’re also giving away a bunch of money.  For each gold medal, winners will get $2,000 cc.  $500 cc for a silver and $250 cc for bronze.  But I don’t want you to say, hey I can win $250 for coming in third place.  Don’t sell yourself short like that.  Go for the gold and get all those sweet sweet 2k cc’s for yourself.  The XLYMPICS are for winners.  You’re a winner aren’t you?  Aren’t you???
 
If you said yes, let’s spend the next three weeks (or four if I fall behind) competing with, insulting and judging each other for love of cold hard cash.  Oh and if you win, you’ll also earn the undying respect and admiration of your fellow eMericans and immorality on the webpages of this gypsy dumpster fire of a browser game.  I’ll also be your friend if you want.  Srsly.  I like winners.
 
If you’re a loser, you should totally compete anyway, since these competitions are way easy.  You don't have to write a f*@king sonnet or anything (although for one event you do have to write a f*@cking sonnet).  But we also have a Mad Libs event where you just fill in the blanks of a sentence.  How hard is that?  Also, since we all know a lot of eReppers are kinda flaky, YOU could end up beating them when they stop playing and are disqualified.  Then you won’t be a loser any longer, you’ll be a WINNER!  And even better, then they will be the LOSER!  Sounds good, right?

Let’s do this…

Your pal,
Hadrian X
President, Chariman and Lord Commander UXC (eUS XLYMPIC Committee)
 

 
II. ADDRESS FROM POTUS YUI MHCP001, A LIST OF EVENTS and PLAYER REGISTRATION 

My fellow Americans,
 
Today is a great day.
 
Not only was tonight the eNPR Presidential Debate, which you can watch at http://www.beam.pro/eNPR, but it is also the day where a great event comes to light for people to participate in.
 
That’s right, I’m talking about what you probably already can guess from the title of the article, it’s the first ever XLYPMICS!
 
I’d like to thank Hadrian for the honor of being the one presenting these events to you. There are events for the writers, designers, and basically every kind of eRepublik Content Creator!

Without further ado, here are the events!
 
~Yui MHCP001
President of the eUnited States of America
 
 
Event descriptions by co-eUS SoCA, Ilene Dover:
DEBATE THIS!
Debates are nerdy, which is cool.
 
DESIGN MY AVATAR
Completely lacking in graphics skills myself, I feel uniquely qualified to judge others' efforts. (NOTE: Ilene Dover is not judging this event.)
 
MAD LIBS
Very close to Cards Against Humanity, which is clearly the best "boardgame" ever invented.
 
POETRY JAM
Poetry is nerdy too, but decidedly uncool.  Kipling's "If" being the sole exception, of course.
 
SICK BURN
Everyone loves a good insult.  I mean, really, is your rectum jealous of the shit that your mouth ejects?
 
10CATHLON
The ultimate test of SWAG. 


Full event description and official rules:   https://xfilesbyhx.wordpress.com/xlympic-games-i-xli
 
If you would like to compete in the XLYMPICS, please fill out the ENTRY FORM 
 
Any player is eligible to compete.  All players must select an approved political party or military unit to represent in the games.  If you do not belong to either, you can select one temporarily or choose the “Independent X-Team”.
 
Here is  a testimony from Andrizzle:  “Holy balls, XLYMPICS sounds amazing!!!!”  (Editor’s note: Exclamation points added for effect.)
 

 
III. THE HOT CORNER
 
The Rio Olympics start this week but the Russian track team wasn’t invited.  That means this may be the only opportunity you fine folks will have to see Russian track star Darya Klishina.  So, here she is… on some beach somewhere.  Not a beach in Rio.  ;_;
 


 
IV. EDITOR’S NOTES
 

 
The WINNER(s) of last issue's COLIN LANTRIP MEMORIAL AWARD OF COMMENTING EXCELLENCE and (sharing) $1,000 USD/cc is RAINY SUNDAY!
 

 
Do YOU want to WIN the Lantrip Award and $1,000/cc!  Of course you do!  WRITE A COMMENT and if it gets the MOST LIKES, you WIN!
 
See the illustrious previous Lantrip Award Winners HERE.


“Come inside, the show's about to start
guaranteed to blow your head apart
Rest assured you'll get your money's worth
The greatest show in Heaven, Hell or Earth.
You've got to see the show, it's a dynamo.
You've got to see the show, it's rock and roll...”
 
Thanks for reading and I hope to see you winning all the XLYMPIC golds!  And spread the word!  Much appreciated!
 

 
Margot can haz votes?  Suicide Squad is out Friday.  Thanks!
 

 
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