[WookCP] Behind the furry mask...

Day 2,487, 07:34 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by WookieO



Behind the furry mask…

The sun peeked around the edges of the thick curtains as WookieO stirred after a restless night of interrupted slumber. His fur stood up in clumps all over his head, torso, arms, legs….in fact he looked a complete state. His bloodshot eyes scanned the master bedroom of 10 Downing Street before coming to rest on a half empty bottle of Argentinian malbec. It was clearly giving him the eye.

Having staggered to the table by the window and glugged back the rest of the wine, the hirsute leader slumped on the chair by the window and risked a look outside.



Congress were still camped out on the street and getting more worked up by the second! The ringleaders, led by grizzly Paulus G, had been playing KISS songs at full volume all night long and throwing rotten eggs at the windows in between air guitar solos.

The Wookster had to do something or he’d never get any sleep. He hauled himself out of the chair and stomped to the door.

“Oi! Roberto!” he bellowed, causing a portrait of Wayne to fall off the wall in the hallway, “Get in here now...and bring some sandwiches!”


The sandwich making, especially of the cheese variety, had gone downhill since Dr Kawishiwi left the cabinet…

A flustered looking Rob the Bruce flew up the stairs, a tray of limp cucumber sarnies held precariously in one hand and a stack of papers clutched in the other.

“Why are Congress out there still?” Wook asked, a sheen of sweat peeking out from the fur on his face, “I thought they’d gone to sort out some committees, or some other nonsense?”

“It’s your status as a sex symbol, sir.” the Bruce exclaimed, his voice breaking slightly, “...they, errrrmmm, they say they want it to stop! Apparently they’ve started a petition….” he riffled through the first few pages , “...something about not being able to get any work done with your gorgeously hairy body on all the eUK’s promotional material.”

The vice-Country President paused and quickly glanced at the wreck of a man in front of him, the most powerful man in Britain slouched in his pyjamas, the stench of alcohol and battenberg cake oozing from his pores.

“Obviously the Public Relations team have done marvellous work,” Rob coughed and gazed at the floor as he continued, “But maybe...we should tone it down a bit? Perhaps take down that poster at Piccadilly Circus for a start?”



“What poster?” WookieO grunted, grimacing as he stuffed his face with a cucumber sandwich and looked around for his trusty corkscrew, “Oh...you mean the one plastered across the side of the Trocadero showing me lounging naked in the sauna with Keith Harris, Orville the Duck and Cuddles the Monkey?”

Having failed in his search for a way to open his next bottle of vino, Wook simply smashed the neck of the bottle off and poured half of it into the empty pint glass in front of him.

“I s’pose we could take one down...but the one with me and Woldy enjoying a bubble bath with Keers? That one bleedin’ stays, right?”


Splish, splash...we were taking a bath...as you do…

The Bruce went to leg it back downstairs to let Congress know they’d won some changes, but before he’d even passed the door, there was an almighty cheer from outside!

WookieO risked a look out the egg spattered window and saw that his Congress Liaison, Massacar had been hung up by his legs to a lamppost and Talon Karrde was torturing him by reading out excerpts from Don Dapper’s newspaper!!

This was too much! Congress had gone too bleedin’ far!! Wook had to do something….but what?


What do I do now, are we going under?

Find out in the next installment of “Behind the Furry Mask”, part of the “Wook Memoirs”, available in all good bookshops NOW!


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