[WHPR] Day 1368 The Sleeping Giant Awakes

Day 1,368, 20:44 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room


Dear Sweet America,

Time to play the music. Emerick couldn't stem the tide. Glove couldn't break the bonds. Blank tried, but it wasn't enough. But Cerb, sweet Cerb, our Dear and Beloved Leader, the Glorious and Radiant Light of the World, who Is and Was and Will Be, has delivered us from the clutches of despair into victory. No dirty rotten, no good, cross-eyed, pig-stealing double Spaniard lives and breathes on American soil, anymore. We kicked them back across the Atlantic Ocean, back into Iberia, back from whence they came.



And we're not stopping. We will tear down their edifices to glory, smash their hollow gods, and burn their cities. We will fill the hearts of the double Spaniard with fear, and they will know the love of the one true god, Dio Brando. Surely the pure and holy sands will rain down upon all of Spain and fill it with His glory, and we shall be the wind that blows upon it. A great and terrible wind, full of wrath and ruin, that howls across the seas.



To the people of Spain,

Lay down your weapons. Gather in your herds, and slaughter the finest of your flocks. Roast the fatted calf and serve it to your children. Then crawl into your beds, take poison, and die. Surely it will be a mercy to die abed then to meet the juggernaut which comes. The Hound of Hell comes, with a braying and a gnashing of his teeth and he will crunch your bones and lick out the marrow. He will rend you limb from limb and the crows will peck out your eyes.



The triumph of Cerb the Great will be trumpeted by all the noble peoples of the world. The apostate, the dark and devilish people of the Earth, who have betrayed their god, betrayed their friends, betrayed their home, shall fall and the tale of their slaying will be on every tongue, and in every ear. Now is the twilight of your nation.

Flee, if you like. Flee to Poland, to Hungary, to Serbia. It matters not. Wherever the double Spaniard goes, there we will find you. We will hunt you to the furthest reaches, for we are the Dogs of War, and the Great Hunt rides again.

Pray now, you thieves of pigs. Pray to the one true Dio, for he is merciful. Perhaps he will grant your soul immolation, in place of the eternal torment of the fires which await.



Today's Cabinet Member Babe comes to us from Animis. We here at the WHPR were unable to identify the model, but she's hot!



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Stay classy, America,
Necros Xiaoban
White House Press Secretary