[TRS] A NEW DAWN AND HORICE FOR CP!

Day 2,309, 14:01 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by CptChazbeard






I have returned from my self imposed exile on the tiny island of Canada to steer the good ship Spamican and continue our quest for Serious Silliness.

Now I wasn't paying too much attention to the eUK when I was in eCan and didn't quite realise how deep the current baaaww goes, so I'm not entirely sure if I've legitimately won an election or PTOd the party. Either way thanks to those who voted for me/my co-conspirators. [delete as applicable]

But you're not Horice! Where's Horice? We demand Horice!

Alas, I am not Horice, as I found out to my dismay when – after taking his RL class on a field trip and breaking into his house to try on his lingerie – I was cautioned by police and given a jolly good slap on the wrist.

However, The Real Spamicans – under Horice – were the first party I ever joined and the only time I still enjoy the game is when I heed to that moustachioed lothario's wise words “Drink and keep drinking until you smile” or words to that effect.
Although we are not the same we are not entirely different and our approach to the game – philosophically speaking – is almost identical. So I can't promise to be him but can promise to guide the Real Spamicans along the same path; sex scandals and swivel eyed lunacy. Huzzah!

Anyway onto the silly business of seriousness.



Although I've been away for quite some time the Spamicans have always had a place in my heart. Indeed, if you were to cut open one of my veins I may well bleed Spam and – despite what these so called 'doctors' claim – this can only be a good thing.
With this is in mind I thoroughly believe that anyone who has been in the Spamicans at any point will – at heart – consider themselves still a member and should therefore be included in our membership tally. I put this number to be 300.



Now despite having such a large amount of players our media presence has been grinding to a halt and the feed is somewhat lacking in innuendo strewn gossip. The peak of the Spamicans' media and feed activity recently was due to two of the players announcing their retirement which is of course a trend I do not wish to continue.

Players approach the game and find enjoyment within it in many different ways. So I will not try to change our current members' style of play nor will I bemoan them in anyway for not pumping out an article every day (although you'd better do *shakes feather duster😉.
What I would like to do is recruit a few like minded players with a media presence to bring a bit more entertainment to the gloomier days the eUK may face. The Spamicans had a mere 20 members a year ago with only 5 writing regularly and often dominated the Top 10 article spots.

So in brief I aim to add to our 310 members slightly in order to increase our presence but am not looking to radicalise the party nor meaninglessly aim for a Top 5 spot.



I'll be cracking out some articles over the coming months comprised of satire and competitions in the way I once used to. Any serious commentary will be strictly in my name and won't sully the name of TRS. (Although I may include an 'All other parties are rubbish so join ours' advert in there somewhere)

Horice's ePension may not keep him in slippers and whiskey for too long so I shan't attempt to copy his articles in case he decides to sue us.



I believe congress is a wonderful place full of jellybeans and kittens where jovial players are chock full of educated ideas and amicably thrash them out during a group hug. It will be a tough call on which of our own members are sent off to join this fluffy marshmallow...

Hang on, I've just been handed a note.





It appears that eRepublik do not recognise the 310 membership total I ticketed them with earlier. As such we do not have an automatic spot for congress and with only 10 'official members' (whatever that means) we might not get a place on anyone else's ballot. So what? Who wants to be in congress anyway? Bunch of work-shy fops parading around town like they're better than us. You know what? We're better than them! YEAH!



I'm an opportunist and have been handed a golden opportunity this month that I shan't turn down.



Yes that's right! This month The Real Spamicans will be endorsing...



But Chaz...won't running a dead/retired player result in an inactive CP who can't press the buttons at the right time?

That's right little Timmy, I thought he was over qualified too but then I thought nah forget it, yo homes! to Bel Air.

It has long been a dream of mine to see Horice in the CP seat and here's what you can expect from his corpse and why you should vote for him.

1. Not getting involved when he shouldn't.
Some CPs have the nasty habit of dabbling in petty party disputes when they should rise above it. The Corpse of Horice will not get involved.

2. Stoic Silence During National Disasters
The eUK teeters on the brink of catastrophe day in and day out. During times of crises we need our leaders to be stoic and maintain a stiff upper lip. The corpse of Horice will keep his emotions under control when those about him let go of theirs. (His lips may fall off due to decomposition)

3. A fearless leader.
When numerous countries wish to attack and make outlandish demands or throw insults at our leader; the Corpse of Horice will remain stern faced (perhaps due to rigor mortis) and not dignify them with a response thus putting the fear of God into them as he obviously has balls of steel.

4. 0% crap articles
With the likelihood of no articles being produced during his somewhat quiet reign it can be expected that the Corpse of Horice will publish no mind numbingly dull articles in his time.

5. More responsibility to congress
Owing to a number of factors including but not limited to the inability to speak, the Corpse of Horice will not dictate or push around congress in any way. Thus appropriating the power in the eUK as is intended by the game.

6. The Element of Surprise
Sometimes a corpse may twitch and Horice has indicated he may pop by from time to time. He may come back and – as CP – wonder what the bloody hell all these new buttons are on his account. Therefore he could press an attack button at any time and catch the opposition with their trousers round their ankles.

When I publish our official candidacy announcement I'll delve deeper into the Corpse of Horice's manifesto. For now I thought I'd give you something to savour.

(To Horice. If you do not wish to run release an article a.s.a.p.)