**The OG: Politics, And Why YOU Love It**

Day 652, 14:32 • Published in Canada Canada • by Banach



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"Men use thought only as authority for their injustice, and employ speech only to conceal their thoughts."
-Voltaire

As a perfect example of a political persona, I seem to be one of those who are unfortunate enough to live with the title of politician for the rest of my eRep life. If you, like me, ever wondered what it was like to dive into this magical realm let me tell you its far from beautiful.

There is a reason why Canadians love the entertainment value that our politics brings. When you leave a bunch of people in a small corner of the world together, who manage to have very different ideas on how to do things, hilarity ensues.

Me being one of the most experienced "politicians" we have in Canada, I'd like to guide you guys through a journey into the dark side of what we go through on a daily basis.

Concept 1-Use words no one cares about but is familiar with.

Its an art for a politician to spew out garbage that people will buy up and pass on to their friends. You might notice some words which are placed in platforms simply to make you tingle on the inside and release some endorphins into your bloodstream.

Have you ever seen these words?
National unity
Progress
Confidence
Social reform
Lack of debt
Transparency
Accountability

Yes my friends, if you're going to be a politician, you have to first use concepts that you will either never fully understand and that you will never implement to their full extent.

Concept 2-Latch on to something and hit hard

Half of the political game is finding anyone who opposes you (The Opposition!) and completely ripping them to shreds.

There are many ways to describe this act:

Mudslinging
Bickering
Political feuds
Finding a Cottus (my favourite)
Natural selection at its best

Its impossible to not find politicians going out of their way to bring another down. The minute you step into the ring, no matter how much heart you have, you will be no Mother Theresa, let me tell you.

Find an opponent's platform, kill it. Find your supporters, show them the platform, kill it. Make up words and concepts about the opposition and spread them around until the lie becomes the accepted truth. I also recommend the following to best tarnish someone's image:

Fabricate quotes (we all love those, very entertaining)
Find something they aren't proud of and mention it every single day (twice a day at least.)
Shoot them in the knee caps and say they are in the mafia.
Label them a terrorist or more appropriately, a divisive individual.

Concept 3-Don't do it, but just say you did anyways.

Its fun watching politics because we almost always see the familiar cliques organizing around the people they support. The key to a great campaign and successful destruction of a candidate is to make promises, not do them, then ask your friends to vouch that you did.

If you notice a campaign, half the war is never fought by the candidates themselves. An invisible hand is ever present through private messaging, hidden forums, implied comments on articles and other acts that push a campaign one way or another. The people that do the dirty work for you feel the entertainment value at a much greater level than those who are apathetic in the mudslinging process.

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Say it ain't so Banach, say it ain't so!

It ain't so ladies and gents, some people do grow out of the natural habits of a politician but they are haunted by their past, present and future.

I have been a Minister of Industry, Social Welfare, Military and Foreign Affairs.

I am also too outspoken and controversial.

I have been a Congressperson and a Justice.

I am also unreliable and not active enough.

I have been your Prime Minister

I also left half-way.

I have gave my all to bringing back our country.

I'm also terrorized it, divided it and failed to communicate completely.

I've been a Communist and a Progressive Conservative

I've been done too much out of one's comfort zone.

I've influenced almost of Canada's beta-giants and upstart politicians.

I've influenced too many people in too many places in too many ways.

You might think that the above litany is true or not, I don't care. Its all about perspective and the knowledge that's given to you. Its an exercise in humility and understanding.

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Politics was, is, and always will be a game I'll play simply because that's one of the things I'm fit for, if only to entertain the crowds. I'm pretty sure I'm the only politician who has the guts to write any article he wants, insult anyone he deems necessary and do everything in his means for the country he loves. I myself will always stay entertained, despite what others say and do.

Yes Canada, I'm your politician, and as long as I can laugh at myself and enjoy the drama that others create for me or for others, its worth it to me.

Thanks for reading,

Banach

Vote this up if you're a good sport!