[South Africa] Learn 'Em Some Hist'ry!

Day 559, 14:03 • Published in Brazil South Africa • by Lucien Morjuet

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Well my friends, Lucien is more or less back! I'm really enjoying myself in my condo in Pretoria, New South Africa. The Waxillians were even kind enough to donate to me my own private Q5 hospital before they set about reinforcing the walls of my home. It's really nice of them to spend all those hundreds of gold on little old me. I'm telling you, these Waxillians are a wonder, for sure. They even gave us all these brand new South American provinces to add to our nation. So nice of them!

A few of their number do have me concerned, though, babbling on about this odd thing called a "Brazil" taking over our home and how powerful it is, how smart it is...I'm left all confused...how could a nut be big or smart or take over anything but your waistline? These silly bloke must be smoking a few too many banana leaves. Or something of the sort. For instance, take the comments of a one "Ataulfo", when he says things like the following:


"Instead of issuing silly articles, you might want to look into the mirror and explain yourself why the administration of South Africa was so disastrous and your political, tactical and strategical options were so silly, that in the end led to the extinction of your country."

"Brazil took the logical steps when South Africa became a Hostile nation. Nevertheless, I am against conquest and in favour of economic alliances...If Brazil is doing what Indonesia wants, then what were you doing, obeying to Romania?...The relation between Brazil and Indonesia is one of mutual convenience..."


Haha, Ataulfail...this lack of knowledge of yours and others on South African events humors me so.
😃

You state that this so-called "Brazil" took "logical" steps when South Africa became "hostile". Now, I would be inclined to agree with you...if not for the fact that South Africa never had any hostile intentions towards anything called a "Brazil", nuts or otherwise, even after both the First and Second Bunaly Debacles. Pissed? Sure, I suppose. Hostile? Not in the slightest; generally, as a whole and to a certain extent, we still liked our nuts.

Now, if indeed this ficticious "Brazil" of yours did exist, then it fully intended to assimilate South Africa and its rich diamonds regions into what people call its "empire" long before there were ever any feelings of what you claim to call "hostility" between the two (which, as already explained, is pure bollocks anyhow).

But, I digress from my intent, which is to educate you on the path of South African events, which have, through your local propoganda machines, lack of proper educational facilities, and quite possibly due to the screaching of your goats and whatnot from all the "loving", has become quite muddled, confused, and/or fabricated. So, allow me to enlighten you with a little bit of a completely unbiased eSouth African history lesson.

Oh sure, some of it is on the Wiki, but much has been lost to the sands of time and to biased editations. So, ever the humble and self-sacrificing patron that I am, I devoted my every free waking hour to the uncovering of our nation's true past.

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Back in the yesterdays of eRepublik Beta, back before Matzanesia had joined in as a full member of the PEACE GC, Matzanesia decided it would be a good idea to conquer Australia. As allies, South Africa was obligated to join the war and help in the fight. Unfortunately, at the time, South Africa was PTO'd by Matzanesian agents and their allies, and as such we were unable to fully enter the fray. Not long after, Australia capitulated and was overrun.

South Africans were angry at both the fall of Australia and the takeover by Matzanesian agents. However, even after the government was regained by eSouth Africans, there was never any intent to fight Matzanesia...only to live out our eLives in our corner of the world. But, paranoid of a South Africa partial to the recently conquered Australia, scared of South Africa's indomitable strength and spirit, and wary of South Africa's alliances to their enemies, Matzanesia declared war to South Africa. South Africa and her allies fought continuously and repelled any Matzanesian attempt to land on her shores for a full month, before Matzanesia was finally able to sneak through in the dead of night disguised as poor starving orphan children, throw off their disguizes take the Eastern Cape. After this first surprise, allied South African forces were unable to regroup and renew the battle line, and lost several more provinces within the span of a couple days before, faced with the option of either surrender or annihilation, South Africa unconditionally surrendered to Matzanesia.

Since then, for about about ten or eleven months now, eSouth Africa has not been in control of all 9 of its original provinces. For the vast majority of that time, after all the heat and hatred the South African people had for the Matzanesians (to whom we refered as "Japs" at the time...simply because they didn't like it) went from a raging boil to a little simmer, we tried with many Matzanesian presidents and on several different occasions to negotiate the return of our lands. Some attempts fared better than others, and a few even looked as if they would succeed, but all of them ended the same...ignored or rejected. We haven't ever been given any formal reasons for such, so it could only be concluded by South Africans that:

A) They refused to deal with us because we refuse to be bullied into entering an alliance

😎 They refused to deal with us because we refuse to buy back what should be ours anyhow.

C) They can no speakee Engrish goodly. Nog minder kan hulle praat Afrikaans.

In the meantime, friends were being made elsewhere. As a neutral South Africa would have little chance of ever surviving should it's hypocritical expansionist neighbors decide to look its way, South Africa was able to fund unconditional support from its past allies, and from new friends.

Oh, sorry, allow me to explain the meaning of "unconditional". Literally, it means "without conditions". In otherwords, there is no "mutual convenience" about it...they were willing to impart their friendship (and part with their gold) without ever asking for anything in return. Such a better deal, methinks!

Anywho, upset with being ignored, South African strategists sat and pondered..."how do we get our lands back?" Finally a brilliant mind by the name of Gabriel Borien spoke up and said, "Let's let someone else get them back for us!"

When the details were hashed out, everyone agreed it was an excellent plan, and so the wheels were set in motion to entice the ever gullible Waxillians from across the sea with a clever ruse to give South Africans their lands, thereby increasing South Africa's size fivefold and giving South Africa access to high production regions of every resource. What do you know, the little ruse worked, and New South Africa was born! What's more, in all the turmoil between the Waxillians and the Matzanesians that was caused by the ruse, New South Africa was able to gain one more of their lost provinces, bringing the total up from 5 to 6. Only three more to go!

So friends, remember to thank the Waxillians in your prayers before you go to bed tonight. Thank them for selflessly sacrificing their regions to the South African cause and so willingly creating a New South Africa, larger, more magnificent, more powerful than ever before. If you see a Waxillian on the street, be sure to shake his hand and thank him personally, too, and hand out one of our little "remember what happened to Turkey?" pins for them to wear, which can be ordered for free by contacting our editor.

Perhaps they'll get the message, and actually learn a thing or two from history. 🙂


as always,
Lucien Morjuet

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