[SKA] The answer to this month's CP election...

Day 2,268, 19:31 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by WookieO


Wook looks at the election

Hello eUK!

I know, it’s been a while since I released an article. You’ve probably all been waiting on tenterhooks for this to be released, so I’m extremely pleased to put you out of your misery!

As you all know, The Skatalites is a party that thrives on fun, excitement and good, old fashioned shits and giggles.


I fear that this month, there will be no shitting or giggling…

We’re not directly supporting any of the five candidates that are running this month. Why is that, I hear you all asking? The reason...and I mean no disrespect to any of those running...the reason, is that the ballot is less exciting than one of Bohemond4’s articles. It does not inspire me one iota and in fact it makes me worry for the eUK as a whole.


There is a way out of this mess…

However at Skatalite HQ we came up with an answer. Oh yes, we did! I shall reveal what that is after I give you a quick rundown of the runners and riders in this month’s election.




Sesame Street was quite creepy, right?

Up first, running under The Unity Party’s banner and supported by ESO and Corrupternment, is Count Drakula. Now CD is a fine chap, a nice bloke and on occasion can even come up with a joke or two...but is he going to give the eUK the kick up the backside it needs to come out of its fugue?

No. He’ll run the place fine, he’ll push the buttons at the right time too I imagine. He might even try to give Congress a shake-up...probably to no avail, but I simply cannot see him getting the eUK to come alive once more.


The real hollenboer!

Next up we have hollenboer from the British Army party. He has no newspaper, so hasn’t released any articles in the media for me to form an opinion, and I can’t recall ever reading anything he’s written at all...so I believe he is running merely to have a BA candidate in the mix. Clearly one to stay clear of.


A different Neil Lewis

Neil Lewis is third on our list and running for the UKPP. Neil’s campaign policy is one of bouncing boobies and gingers, which obviously has a place in eUK politics, but probably not in a winning CP’s manifesto. It pains me to say it because I have been offered a position in a potential Neil Lewis cabinet, but as a Skatalite I cannot back Mr Lewis on this one.

Much like CD, Neil’s a good bloke, but he hasn’t captured the imagination like a CP candidate should.



A late entrant into the CP race, Huey George, the Party President of the Workers’ Rights Party, believes he will be the one to “lead change in the UK”.

Unfortunately having read his article, he may be the one to bore the eUK to its death. Huey’s a likeable chap, but his manifesto article reads like a dusty tome from the bowels of the British Library. He’s got ideas, some of them slightly misguided, but he just needs to inject some life into the way he communicates with the public.



I mentioned earlier in this article that I would be revealing the most cunning plan that we in the Skatalites have come up with for this election. I did also write that I would reveal it after going through all the candidates….and the eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed I have not mentioned everyone yet.

That is because the final citizen on the ballot, is the answer to this month’s problem!


Is it monkey business?

Zubrei has been a candidate for CP in the last three elections. He’s been a part of eRep since late 2009 and is the PP of the Crackerjack party. How is this monkey faced chappy the answer to all of the eUK’s problems?

Well….he’s not really. However it would show the ‘major’ parties that they need to up their game in choosing which of their members to back for CP if Zubrei got a whole chunk of the protest votes this month.



This is why the Skatalites are asking you to vote for Zubrei today.

Choose Zubrei for a better eUK, because I want a secret family with him.

Loving you for a long, long time,

WookieO.