[President] It Was a Good Day

Day 2,855, 13:07 • Published in USA USA • by Aeriadne
Break 'em off somethin...

Of Grapes and Swords
There's this parable in Greek history, an anecdote. So there's this guy Damocles, and he sees his King Dionysus (no relation) chillin' on the throne, resplendent. Treasure chests surrounding, people offering fealty, saucy ladies with peeled grapes; the whole nine.


You know what I'm talkin' bout.

One day, Damocles is like "Ay yo Dionysus, you baller af. Lookit you chillin' all OG and shit. Hell man, this all if off the chain. You got it made."

Dionysus, without batting an eye, was just like "You wanna try it?"

And then Damocles was all like "Shit yeah I wanna try it."

So Dionysus let him sit in his chair and get the full treatment. Peasants prostrating themselves in front of him, fine clothes being fitted for him, serving girls with grapes. But in addition to all this, as Damocles was sitting, the King requested a sword to be hung by only a single horse hair above Damocles' head.


Not as fun as the grapes.

Damocles, at first tryin' to be real chill about the whole thing, just played it off like it weren't no thang. But then he gets itchy, and then he gets anxious, and soon he's begging the King to take it away. It's just too much. And Damocles runs off and is all like "Why you gotta be like that, Dionysus?"

And the King, still cool as an ice cube, just goes "Cus heavy weighs the crown, fam."

We've had a great sword looming over our heads this last week in the form of potential Thai incursion. I will admit it left me with a building anxiety. Working with both Congress and my Cabinet, we were able to prepare for the worst. And the worst - thankfully - never came. The article I would have written, announcing our necessary defense on 9/11 or our fight against Dictatorship, still sits in my drafts. It will never see the light of day. And that is a grander relief than I could have ever hoped for.

I am content letting the Thai be in this regard. They evidently are fine passing ways by us as well. But do not think that just because we have avoided one sword that we will not seek to grasp another in the course of this month's time.


Just... not like this...

The success of the Defensive Dictatorship means that we again have room to maneuver. The great fear is that the seat will fall into some hostile hand like it did with our friend Finland, or that an errant elected official in some mad, Nero-esque rage, will just decide to wreck us from the inside out. The DD is not something I personally like, but it is an absolute mechanical necessity at this point.

To have it is to sign a delicate social contract that could expire with any ill move or poorly handled communication. To not have it is to invite discord and ruination upon everything we as a country have worked for and let open the gates to our greatest foes. Thankfully, the former is much easier to navigate.


Sunday Funday
In addition to being able to reinstall our Defensive Dictator quite easily, the Harvest Festival has had a grand week 1 kickoff. Many games are already underway, and I'm told more are yet to come. Raffles have been raffed, gold has been given, and a cornucopia of new activities are soon to be unveiled.

But Sunday brought more joys than the security of our nation and the celebrations of the season. My own Chief of Staff, MrCarey, celebrated his real life birthday, and I would not be remiss in saying that he has been one of the primary reasons this last week has kept on course so well. If you'd like to send him a gift, any endorsements of this article will be donated as a belated Birthday present to him. Though if you want to send him a present or write a card or perhaps just be that guy and give him a gift certificate to somewhere, then by all means go ahead.


However, the birthly celebrations of my own dear friend Carey are not the only cause of happiness. Just yesterday, in the Oval Office itself, I got down on one knee (one tiny, bended knee) and asked someone a question I had been meaning to ask them for quite a while. She has been my staunch friend and a dear companion for quite sometime. Always supportive, always hilarious, and just the right amount of "I will kick your ass so help me god I'll do it."

It is with pleasure that I formally announce the imminent eMarriage of myself and rainysunday.


The date for the eWedding has yet to be determined, but my good friend Cromstar has kindly offered to officiate. The affair will be open to any and all who wish to come.


I beg the reader's forgiveness for the meager sum contained in this article. A great deal has been on my mind this last week, and I am thankful to say the shadow has passed. More filling felicitations are incoming to ward away the doom and gloom.

Cheers.