Join the new world

4 March 2011, Day 1,200 of the New World. Greetings, productive citizens of Israel and international readers. As anticipated, I, Rheinlander von Phalz, will be running for a second term as President of Israel. You can probably understand that the junta has been buzzing with activity lately, but I must take the time out to address the people.

First let’s review the impact on Israel this month. We’ve had highs and lows, of course, but overall we will come out on top. This term threw some difficult situations at my feet - the forum outage, threat of invasion, economic peril, rising MPP costs, funding/supply issues and budget shortfalls, and domestic tensions. Despite all these, under my leadership we have pulled through. Please consider the following.

Israel under the Junta

This country has a long-standing retention problem that we’ve begun to make a dent in this month. As demonstrated by the vote totals in recent elections, our country grew this month. We’ve seen more of our new citizens remain in the New World and a number of our expired citizens return to be active once more.

“Then said he unto me, Prophesy unto the wind, prophesy, son of man, and say to the wind, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe upon these slain, that they may live. So I prophesied as he commanded me, and the breath came into them, and they lived, and stood up upon their feet, an exceeding great army.”
Ezekiel 37:9-10

The population growth this month will provide gifts to Israel in virtually all fields. Our economy will be bolstered by new workers. Our damage output will begin an exponential increase as young citizens rank up and gain strength. New life will be breathed into our society - media, forums, and any talents the newbies bring with them into the New World.

One of the main platforms of my last campaign was military strength. It took steady, dedicated effort and many equally-committed subordinates to get the armed forces into the condition they are in today. The last reorganization saw eIDF increasing markedly in size and activity. We filled up our platoons within a month, added another, and are now contemplating one more. A training program now shapes our fresh recruits before they get on active duty, improving our retention and activity. Even though its genesis was not universally popular, our labor now helps to build up Israel’s defensive strength.



Another of my major goals for the country was to increase its activity on Internet Relay Chat and the national forums. These are the lynchpins of our community and indeed many other countries with their respective forums and chat rooms. I did not set out to create new forums and new chat rooms like many of my predecessors. Unfortunately, our old forums went down and the promise made to this country was broken. It disrupted operations for almost a week, which is quite significant for a February term. Nevertheless, under the efforts of our Interior Ministry, Knesset, and military, our forums are reestablished and as active as before.

The economy seems to be disrupted every month now, and this term was no exception. The Shekel literally crashed to nothing. However, I directed the Finance Ministry to gradually repair the damage done. It is understandably still hard to profit from cheap companies in Israel, but the recovery of our currency’s strength will help bring in wealth.

Israel has been dealing with deep division in its community since before I arrived. I recently met someone who was last active nearly a year ago, and he asked if people still fought over English or Hebrew. It is hard to believe that this has remained an issue for so long. Neither community will completely disappear; Israel’s only option is to learn how to work together or be forever doomed to the same conflicts. Many politicians talk about unity and compromise. What they talked about the junta has delivered. The government this month combined a diverse set of individuals from the two camps. It was not seamless, sure, but we are preserving together. To continue developing a strong nation and community, this has to become part of the culture. Both camps must firmly reject calls to ultranationalism and see all citizens as their brothers and sisters.

The Next Month

A combination of widespread acceptance of the junta’s rule and progress left to be made encouraged me to consider running for a second term. Verily this election comes at an awkward time.

This month needs a military-minded President. There are months that call for someone stronger on domestic issues or for a more financial mind. If this were one of those months, Israel could find other worthy candidates without difficulty. With the challenges we are likely to face this month, I think most agree that I am the right man for the job.

The government will not change drastically from last month with one exception. While I did not have a named Vice President this term (in fact we have not had one since I was VP for Gavin Wax), in my next mandate we will resurrect this office. My Vice President will be matanb. We will be meeting soon to discuss the structure of next month’s Cabinet, but do not expect to see anything shocking.

A fringe group has stepped up to challenge my candidacy on accusations that I am not Jewish enough. Most citizens, of course, recognize that such things have little to do with ability to govern. I don’t eat cheeseburgers, though, and I am circumcised. Doesn’t it seem strange to be discussing my penis in a political article? Especially in response to a group appealing to religion? Although I suppose there were rumors that this Paladin’s sword and politics became intertwined at least once back when I managed Congressional candidates and cross-party endorsements in the United States. Some speculated that pleasing me would lead to a seat in Congress. I guess we’re far enough away from those allegations for me to finally set the record straight. Yeah, that happened.



This section is weird.

I received the endorsement of Integrity-Integration-Israel, United eIsrael, and Krav Maga League shortly after declaring my candidacy. The endorsements of Likud Party and Israel First came together closer to the election, and HaiHud HaLeumi gave their endorsement some hours before the cutoff. I hope that you too, citizens and soldiers of Israel, see fit give me another mandate. If you cannot and I end up being your leader anyway, you can always write to me or find me on IRC; I have good response time.

Pending War

We were granted some new neighbors recently and immediately offered diplomatic contacts. The results of our efforts have been mixed. Egypt has been the most amiable country, and this culminated in a historic Egyptian-Israeli Mutual Protection Pact.

Certain other countries have been a bit less diplomatic. Daily I would receive threats from the Saudis across the border goading us into attacking. I did not respond, but Israel made not of the potentially destabilizing influence the regime in Saudi Arabia might have on the region. While I could tolerate their trolls and threats, I drew the line when they began threatening our new friends making their first steps into the New World - Egypt.

The message I communicated to Saudi Arabia, which came to be called the von Phalz Doctrine, is as follows: Israel will regard any aggressive action by Saudi Arabia taken against any other country in southwest Asia to be a declaration of war by Saudi Arabia against Israel. Sure enough, just minutes after protection of the new nations was lifted, the King of Saudi Arabia declared war on United Arab Emirates. Especially insulting was that this came at the dawn of a new chapter in international relations with the presidents of numerous countries joining to create a more peaceful world.



We can no longer tolerate these egregious violations of democracy and civilized conduct. Shortly after the declaration, war against Saudi Arabi was proposed by United Arab Emirates, Israel, and Egypt. Israel will lead a coalition of nations willing to oust this dictator and his attempted occupation of a small, oil-rich neighbor.

This message goes out from the Military Junta of Israel to all residents of Arabia and foreigners interested in this conflict. We are not at war with the Arab people. I am not interested in rolling troops through Mecca. While I cannot speak for every citizen, I pledge to lead Israel honorably through this war. I have heard the cries for democracy in the Arab community and been moved by them. Many of you are not willing to fully accept Israeli help. Even if we will not be beloved friends, I do not wish us to be hated enemies. The Middle East need not become a culturally-motivated war.

Diplomatic lines will remain open to all nations and the new international peacekeeping groups. My recommendation to Saudis caught between invading armies and the boot of their dictator is to seek refuge in Egypt.



Strength and integrity. We and our friends will pull through.





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Images for this article come from A1MoG7x and Gruja_srb. Many thanks guys; art is always appreciated.