[Pat4Prez] Take Two
Day 2,080, 05:41
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Published in Australia 
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by
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by Pat McCrutch
Theme Music
Greetings Minions
So, as most of you are aware, I started a campaign for Country President last term. However, because Flatty cheated, things did not go the way they were intended. So instead, I will be running again this term.
*Applause*
What's different this term?
Well, to be honest, not much. Although I guess I could say I have another month's experience?
Cabinet
I do however have a brand new cabinet. Apparently no one from last term's proposed cabinet actually wanted to work with me, and I for one, won't accept such a poor attitude. The new cabinet is as follows:
dCP-Deputy Country President: ChewChewShoe - As far as I know, he brings no real qualities to the table, but he did promise to do all of my work for me if elected, and that's the kind of attitude I'm looking for.
MoFA - Minister of Fondling Affairs: After showing his fondling abilities in recent days, Aussie Bloke has been selected as the perfect choice for a McCrutch Government. Of course, to keep in line with exactly how eAustralia works according to Icetek, my MoFA needs a deputy to improve circle jerking. For this job, Tim Holtz has been chosen.
MoD - Not really needed, but if you'd like the position, please send nudes to ChewChewShoe, or buy lots of votes for this article.
MoIS- Completely unnecessary, I will have already stopped the boats.
Articles still to come:
-Smear Campaign on competition
-Policies
-Anything else that comes to mind in the engine room of this campaign.
-About Me.
-Photo Opportunities
Until then, remember to tell all your friends to vote for me, and if you're cool, you'll add #Pat4Prez to everything you say (it comes before #YOLO, but after #swag).
Sincere Regards,
Pat McCrutch, Your Dear Leader.
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Comments
The only suitable choice! #Pat4Prez
Oh Lordy ...
With such great policies you too can go for a Swan dive
Wow I would be stupid to vote for anyone else \o/
Glorious. #Swag#Pat4Prez#YOLO
Dood can I haz cabinet?
With an application like that? Of course! Take your pick.
Minister of finance, after all they call me NotThatDodgyHagrid
I would have gone with education.
Whoa whoa whoa whoa - stop press!
Pat .. there can only EVER be one "Dear Leader" in the history of this entire e-nation from start to finish mate. That person is Discrate1/DocterDry/DocterDry2.
#JustSaying
I will become the Deer Leader then.
good luck our dear leader 😃
#SwagyPat4CPcunt
I do not talk, I am just a rapper
Sick boy I make moves like a chess piece
And I move real quick like Nestle
Let me make it clear for a second like Pepsi
I was never worried 'bout my wallet being empty
'Cause when it was empty I was still happy
Walkin' with my walkman, freestyle rappin'
Highschool bullies like, "What the fuck happened?
Nigga off the hook like I fuckin' shot the captain"
And this is me relaxing, rapping is my hobby
I did this in my bedroom where I separate my laundry
Watchin' old episodes of Shining Time Station
You are now listening to my mouth on vacation
Why you doin' this? What's your motivation?
I am just a rapper, I don't need the paper
No Will Smith, went off without a hitch, man
C-H-I-L-D is the ISH, man
Do sixteen bars no wristband
I'll always be childish, call me Maggie Simpson
Run the track like my tongue's an olympian
I've always been this good, you just weren't listenin'
Imma try to make my street cred stack up
I mean I'm rappin' over Grizzly Bear, what the fuck?
Gather swagger up before I take it all
You started rappin' when you wasn't good at basketball
I started rapping 'cause I fuckin' need some Adderall
I can't do one thing I'm just too good
I can't do one thing I am Tiger Woods
I make your iPod hotter than a lighter would
Picture me in sixth grade, overweight, overbite
Got my fake Adidas on, whiting out the fourth stripe
Kid named Vincent got it out for me, I hate that guy
Frodo from Chicago, really small and shy
You better recognize 'cause I'm no better now
'Cause I was always sick, my life's a hospital
And that's some funny shit, that turd is Apatow
That female dog is blind? Well bitch, look at me now
Bitch sittin' shotgun in my Tracy Chapman
I did exactly what you niggas said would never happen
I'm doin' be so big I can hardly walk
These rappers need ER like they're Charlie Park
Stay hard like my suit made my Tony Stark
This kinda music make your balls drop, Dick Clark
Yes I'm grown and sexy, and I'm worth the wait
Girls act like I'm the only dude on earth to date
Put these words on your head and let them percolate
We need to separate, new church and state
I used to have to pay for gas in my momma's Saturn
And now I'm paying for a mortgage as a working actor
If living my life is what you say you're chasing after,
Nigga stop talkin' shit and just be a rapper
NOW THIS IS A TRUE LEADER. HONEST, HUMBLE, AND DOES NOT BEAT AROUND THE BUSHES!
VOTE FOR PAT!!!!
I do beat in the bushes though, but that's different right?
Not really....only cuz Tim is under you "yawning"
hahahahahahaha awesome