[ONE] A short note about the termination of a misguided apprentice

Day 1,463, 10:56 • Published in Poland North Macedonia • by ONE HQ


Dear friends,

Here at ONE HQ we are a caring considerate bunch. When ONE was founded we were contacted by the Mother Theresa Charity for Disadvantaged Children and they asked us if we could possibly take on one of their needier children as an apprentice in our organisation.

Being warm hearted and generous, we adopted a young lad called Smee Again. He seemed to be eager and had a desire to learn. He worked hard to emulate his betters, and worked hard making the coffee and sweeping the floors.

Unfortunately, we are writing today to announce that we are terminating his position with our organisation. The last three articles he has written have been carefully marked by our highly trained staff, and have been found wanting. They show:

1. Poor language skills
2. A lack of wit and an infantile sense of humour
3. Childish obsession with “funny” images edited on mspaint
4. Poor understanding of game mechanics and strategy.

Being a responsible organisation, we have referred him to our industry competitors Terra and EDEN, who have lower standards when it comes to their public image. Poorly formed sentences, misuse of bold and a lack of geographic knowledge are all hallmarks of their HQ spokesmen. We are confident he will fit in well there.

Finally, I would like to offer my personal thanks to Smee for the complement he paid me by trying (badly, but the effort counts) to emulate my writing style. They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, and I tried to bear that in mind as I read his sub-standard prose. In return, I’d like to offer a piece of heartfelt advice. Though his newspaper avatar might seem fitting, being of the eponymous Anchorman, I feel that his good friend Brick Tamland would better reflect Smee’s character.



Thanks again Smee 🙂


Iain Keers
ONE SG