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[GBM] Plato Learns New Word, Won't Shut Up About It

Day 2,128, 21:52 Published in USA USA by Paul Proteus
This article is a satire, which signifies myself as being constructed primarily of rubber, and the rest of you of at least 72% glue


I dare you not to click the mood musik

Welcome to Goodbye Blue Monday, reporting 24/7/365 on absolutely nothing newsworthy.


Plato learns new word, Won't Shut the hell up about it

Day 2128: eRepublik HQ, Erebus


The famed philosopher this article is obviously describing depicted in his later detached-head period

Reports are in that famed philosopher Plato (no relation to eRep clearly) has, in between his normal activities of ignoring tickets that he, uh, found and awarding forfeit points to plebs (a philosophical concept also entirely unrelated), learned a new word. The new word, epic, is in itself not extraordinary, but this report nonetheless has shocked Plato's friends and critics alike as Plato normally spends his time contemplating the Universe and paying his graphics guy. Though many applaud Plato's first attempt at higher learning since the disastrous "Dialogues V2" it has come under heavy criticism from many of Plato's closest friends.

One source, operating under anonymity, told us, "Ever since he bought that $3 dictionary it's been all 'epic this, epic that', like sheesh if you're going to flaunt your third grade lexile at least learn sentence structure."


Too much billions epic

At current rates, scientists at Goodbye Blue Monday estimate that by Day 2,200 every button in eRepublik will be replaced by the word epic. Debate rages as to whether this will affect the already dead economy.

To provide a visual aid, here is a totally original graph depicting predicted usage of the word epic in erepublik that our top graph team here at Goodbye Blue Monday has produced.


Do graphs still get votes?

Plato refuses to comment, but a trusted source is rumored to have stated that so long as we go along with it we might all get 50 strength.


Anti-Whaling Laws struggling to pass Congress

Day 2128, Location: The High Seas

With the re-election of the only Whale President of the United States, the age old issue of eWhaling comes back into question. For many, controversial, and for some, nonexistent, the issue of whaling has plagued the administration from the start. Though many close to Oblige have denied that the issue has distracted him from governing, current attempts to outlaw the practice have met with harsh resistance from Congress, who have repeatedly shelved the issue in favor of passing July's budget.


Oblige chilling with his cabinet. Or a depiction of whaling. One or the other.

When citizens of eRepublik were asked about it, their responses demonstrated shockingly little knowledge on the subject. When asked to give an opinion, long time eUS resident Saraht0ga responded, "Whaling, wait what? Paul, you do realize eRepublik is a game right? Right?" and Evry simply asked I stop pinging him in the middle of the night.

Though Oblige has yet to be reached for comment, it is likely this debate will rage on for as many terms as Oblige wins.


Artist's rendering of Oblige


Wait, there's more...


No, this doesn't actually exist <<

Pick up the Sunday Style GBM Magazine to read other fascinating stories:

-Ajay wins Presidency in a dream, describes it to friends, strangely erotic
-Man remembers orgs nostalgicly
-eRepublik usable as a resume? HAHAHAHAHA No. An exposé

Okay, that's a wrap guys,

Proteus Out~

Your Moment of Zen:



Fun fact, 50% of the world's zen comes from smbc

So that wraps up today's Goodbye Blue Monday

Until Next Time,

Stay Sexy


 

Comments

saraht0ga
saraht0ga Day 2,128, 22:02

First for being no more than 37% glue, thank you very much.

Delyruin
Delyruin Day 2,128, 22:02

First for entertainment

Delyruin
Delyruin Day 2,128, 22:03

Or second

Cody Caine
Cody Caine Day 2,128, 22:03

PAUL!

Squantoo
Squantoo Day 2,128, 22:03

^Comments invalid. I got here first.

saraht0ga
saraht0ga Day 2,128, 22:06

LIES, I READ THIS BEFORE YOU WERE BORN.

Squantoo
Squantoo Day 2,128, 22:07

INVALID. I traveled back in time.

saraht0ga
saraht0ga Day 2,128, 22:08

My avatar is Rose Tyler, who traveled with a Time Lord. Your argument is invalid.

HeapSeppo
HeapSeppo Day 2,129, 08:12

This young lady has the truth of this.

Squantoo
Squantoo Day 2,130, 15:50

Nope, i am time traveling Squanto that is why my name has 2 O's.

eyanray2k
eyanray2k Day 2,130, 17:58

I think Rose Tyler wins, but that's just because I'm a Whovian

Bruce Killah
Bruce Killah Day 2,129, 21:28

Hush child

arith seneviratne
arith seneviratne Day 2,130, 09:13

stop fighting squantoo

ligtreb
ligtreb Day 2,128, 22:15

EPIC

Disco Musolini
Disco Musolini Day 2,128, 22:20

Epic Article!

TheRomanWarrior
TheRomanWarrior Day 2,128, 22:25

Haha this is EPIC! Epic Paul is so epic that his epic sentences are so epic we should all get an epic 50 strength... now wouldn't that be epic???

Haha, *sighs*, people these days

Geronimo100
Geronimo100 Day 2,128, 23:00

You can't be more epic than this

Rican
Rican Day 2,128, 23:23

Artist's rendering of Oblige

i lulled out loud

Epic Article!

Talostastic
Talostastic Day 2,128, 23:27

"...attempts to outlaw the practice have met with harsh resistance from Congress, who have repeatedly shelved the issue in favor of passing July's budget."

Made my night.

Malarkey83
Malarkey83 Day 2,129, 08:07

I think this one was pretty good too Talo

"Ajay wins Presidency in a dream, describes it to friends, strangely erotic"

HeapSeppo
HeapSeppo Day 2,129, 08:15

Epic, epic epic epic epic. Epic epic hahaha epic. Epic plato epic headless chicken epic epic. Epic something went wrong epic epic.

Oblige
Oblige Day 2,129, 08:18

Comment: ~whale noises~

Dr. Strangeluve
Dr. Strangeluve Day 2,129, 08:38

I was always wandering about this poor philosopher being around eRepublik!! whatever they found it fit for him here!!

Super Kaioken Goku
Super Kaioken Goku Day 2,129, 09:33

This an epic article that epicly describes the epic event of epic proportions that I epicly fought for against epic enemies in epic battles with epic Q7 tanks of epicness for the epic country of the epic U. S. of epicness A. It was an epic struggle between epic countries for the epic title of who would be the most epic epicness of all epic-time.

Gnilraps
Gnilraps Day 2,129, 09:48

not first

rainy sunday
rainy sunday Day 2,129, 10:05

you are all witnessing an epic epoch
mark your calendars and my words

Tenshibo Day 2,129, 12:14

Comment deleted

Tenshibo
Tenshibo Day 2,129, 12:15

Paul has officially written more articles after being CP than he did while being CP. #epic #FedsareEpic #epicandhorny

Paul Proteus
Paul Proteus Day 2,129, 13:19

Because I'm totally still in the Feds Tenshibo

Tenshibo
Tenshibo Day 2,129, 14:04

How would I know you weren't.mi don't read the media or any shit like that.

Paul Proteus
Paul Proteus Day 2,129, 14:21

I'll write you a bitching letter next time to keep you informed yo

Tenshibo
Tenshibo Day 2,129, 19:44

Sounds good

Jude Conners
Jude Conners Day 2,130, 00:14

Tenshibo giving CP advice is sound, Paul.

Sound.

Hale26
Hale26 Day 2,129, 13:56

Voted hard. Also, I am a strong proponent of the current pro-whaling laws being debate.
~KILLTHEWHALES~

For the children, ofc.

remi.remi
remi.remi Day 2,129, 15:49

you're the best dad

John Largo
John Largo Day 2,129, 18:41

epic

Test Pilot
Test Pilot Day 2,129, 19:47

This article deserves a EPIC vote

Deificus
Deificus Day 2,129, 20:48

All I heard: Epic epic epic whale epic: Epic whale. Epic whale whale, epic whale epic. Whale? Epic.

MuleBore Day 2,130, 03:36

Comment deleted

D.AMBRIZZI
D.AMBRIZZI Day 2,130, 07:57

we should do something to stop the players who are using bots on wrm market.

http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/cheaters-using-automatic-bot-on-wrm-market-2320011/1/20

arith seneviratne
arith seneviratne Day 2,130, 09:21

LOL philosophy personnel never understand common sense LOL

G.Bot
G.Bot Day 2,130, 12:33

Epically hilarious

Michael ManyTrees
Michael ManyTrees Day 2,130, 14:45

Epic or Epicac?

 
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