[ESO] Know your enemy

Day 2,767, 03:14 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by VoodooMike71


Know your enemy
Unless you’re asleep, dead or a member of BDP, you can’t fail to have noticed that we are at war with Argentina. And, quite frankly, it’s not going too well.

Part of the problem is that we, as a nation, aren’t too familiar with Argentina, what with it being too far away to efficiently spend seven days vomiting on their streets every summer, while listening to bad music and buying poor-quality drugs and stuff. Let’s face it, it’s not Magaluf is it?

So, in an effort to rectify this, turn things around and start kicking some tango-toned raw-steak-fuelled Argentinian ass, we should look to Sun Tzu’s infamous Art of War. Not literally of course - it’s old, written in funny letters and not particularly relevant to a browser-based nation simulator. But we can take guidance from it in spirit at least.


Paris Hilton - world famous tactician


Famously, the single most important instruction* in this mother of all instruction manuals (*probably) is… Know Your Enemy

...and that’s exactly what we must do. So - in convenient picture form - here’s all you need to know about Argentina.


1. Cows


2. Eva Peron


3. Some quite good footballers


4. Erotic dancing


5. Cheating


6. Throwing rocks at Top Gear (to be applauded)

And, of course...


7. The Falkland Islands


So there you have it. With the exception of #5 and #7, it seems they’re not that bad. But don’t let that stop you tying their shoelaces together, prodding them repeatedly on the arm while they sleep and carrying out all the other atrocities that the hell of war inescapably entails.





Carlton quite likes Argentina, but that won’t stop him dancing on their eGraves.