Join the new world

7 Days. 7 antagonizing days until I scurry up to Toronto for the weekend (this time with Internets!). Why are these days so rough, Sperry? The life of an eRepping, cat-vomiting Canuck hard on you? Nope. I have no hard ons from cat vomit, to Acacia’s dismay. No, this time it’s because Toronto has 3 things my little eRep bunker does not. One, someone to talk to in person. Two, West Side Story. Three, food. It’s not that I’m starving down here, but food is always a plus. Bottomless pit, and all.



An Eye to the Mentor Program

This comes first because it’s the only thing that won’t piss anybody off. Just about every country in eRepublik has tried some form of mentor system. Canada’s had at least a dozen different forms of it: ministries of health and education, legislation out our ears, and any number of other efforts: all to try and keep those darn newcomers alive.

That’s the sad reality we find ourselves in: the job of making players not quit en-masse has fallen to the only group already burdened with not wanting to quit themselves. Educating younglings, fostering their understanding, and giving them a reason to get involved - all jobs of the gamemaker, in most places. In every other game I’ve played, particularly every other MMORPG, the Admins spend loads of time educating newbies on how to play the game and how to enjoy it. eRepublik doesn’t. A mission here, a mission there, but that’s all.

Canada gets between 15 and 30 new players each day. But we also see 15-30 die each day, so our population is just barely creeping upwards. Britain, right next door, has picked up thousands of citizens. I wish they would live, but like most smart Brits see, I know they’re all going to die. At best Britain will retain 10-20% of them, not because Britain is nasty and evil, but because the Admins of this game have given up on player retention.

The sad fact is, we can’t save all of the babies. A lot of them will be clubbed to death by Plato long before we can help. But we can help one or two of them. This is our current mentor system. It’s not “law”, it’s just a simple pairing system to help the occasional youngling not want to murder Plato in their sleep.

I like what Homer’s doing. It’s the first Canadian mentor program I’ve been in that I’ve actually seen success with. And my mentee, UchihaMonster, is a pretty cool cat if I do say so myself.

Give Homer’s program a look. Throw your name into the hat and save a baby from Plato. Also, because I’m vicariously selfish, feed Uchiha. Food makes younglings happy.


The British Context

Group to annoy: British readers!

Britain hasn’t been doing so hot this year. For the coldest months in 2012, they didn’t have a country, as France, Ireland, and Canada romped around the island (with TEDEN support, obviously). Britain was without a Congress for 3 months, which in a game with absolutely no consequences, is about as close as you can get to “losing.” I don’t mean to throw this in Britain’s face, it’s just what happened.

After a while, the Brits secured a deal with the Irish and were able to push on the invaded French and EPC-striken Canadians. But even in victory, they’ve had annoying setbacks here. After a hilariously botched invasion from Canada made it look like Britain would get some deer for a while, Papa America steamrolled Britain to try and get close to Poland (which also failed, but that’s another story). That was the first delay to the deal with the Irish.

Next, and more recently, Canada invaded again (God we do this a lot), once again slowing British fruit bonuses. France managed to stick around a little longer than expected, and a successful Canadian presence led to an hour-long wipe of all Britain. With our last colony in Wales being removed, the British are only just approaching what they wanted 6 months ago: and now Ireland is busy in Denmark. Of all places.

The British have a chance to smooth over what has been a pretty shitty year. They might get that fruit they were promised, and they might see some calm on a border that hasn’t gone away for the past 3 years. The question is: what will Britain’s next President do with this opportunity? How many of those seals babies will they be able to save from Platoclub? It’s going to be interesting.


Where’s Mah War, Sperreh?

Group to annoy: Canadian readers!

It’s been a while since we had a direct war. Canada hasn’t launched an initiative attack since we took London from the British last week. Since then, Canucks and Brits alike have had to suffice with the True Patriot gold from semi-attended RWs. I know y’all are looking for a war to fight: keep putting that pressure on. Keep asking for action. ‘Cuz Sperry wants it too.

It’s particularly tough, as Canucks, to see our allies knee-deep in ONE rivals and not be on the front ourselves. Why is that? Why were we able to romp Poland back to their homeland less than a year ago, when we can’t find a border today? A lot of you were chattering about numbers yesterday. That’s part of it - a huge part. When Canada was pounding Poland, it wasn’t just Canada: the TEDEN/ONE balance was less even, which made it much easier for us to have a stable base in Britain, rather than a tempestuous mess (which it usually is).

The other piece is from ONE. At the time, they weren’t in a position to dictate borders: folks on the defensive rarely are. Now, however, with the balance much closer together (and often in their favour), we’re seeing more wonky lines. Hungary has repeatedly withdrawn from bordering anyone but France this month, which is why we’re having trouble wrangling that fish ourselves.

These are variables that are hard to control. So what’s a Canuck to do? Keep pushing, and be patient in the push. Constant war is great - indeed necessary - but done too quickly it can lead to the embarrassments of last month’s “where’d Quebec go?” We need a war that we can sustain, that we can get our satisfaction from, and that isn’t entirely pointless. Do both of us a favour, and make sure that’s high on the list of stuff to be done.



Friends Tell Friends When They’re Being Assholes

If your first instinct is to yell at me after reading this, you’re missing the point.

We belong to old alliances. We’ve been in Terra (old Panam) since January 2011. We’ve been members of EDEN since August 2009, and were members of EDEN’s parent alliance (ATLANTIS) for nearly a year before that. By and large, the global alliance structure has undergone almost no change in 4 years. Those countries that have hopped over to change things up haven’t done so in a very, very long time. Even the Brits, who have changed alliances regularly, have been solidly in the ONE category for half that time.

This wouldn’t be a big deal if eRepublik had a quick rate of turnover. Sadly, it doesn’t. In the time that Canada has served under Terra, there has been next to no change in the top of the dog pile. The same basic group who lead Terra in January 2011 led it in September, and that same group leads now. There is literally no month in Terra’s history that doesn’t feature somebody from this month’s HQ group (and friends).

The problem? In both alliances (and from what I’m told, in ONE as well), many members of self-invented HQs anoint themselves as gods and emperors over the lowly peons known as “the other 200,000 people who play.” Last year I assumed this was because I was a first-term CP who knew very little about TEDEN & ONE. At the start of the term I assumed it was because of Canada’s sheist international reputation. But neither of those is the case anymore, so I wonder: what’s still the same?

I am embarrassed that some of these people lead alliances. Their behaviour is conceited, arrogant, self-exalting, and entirely focused around the real-life ideals of nations I couldn’t possibly give fewer shits about. I don’t care if Serbia and Croatia hate each other. I don’t care if Ukraine and Russia don’t get along. I certainly don’t care about FYROM or Macedon - because I’ve never been there and it doesn’t matter to me.

This isn’t to say all people in all 3 HQs are bastards: far from. I get along very well with many of the HQers, because by some miracle, they can survive in that environment without thinking they are God’s gift to eRepublik. Florencia was unspeakably kind to me last year. Talon is happy-go-lucky even when he’s upset. Players like this are evidence of the fact that you don’t have to think you shit gold to lead an alliance: so why do so many people miss that memo?

I don’t know a single CP who doesn’t begrudge at least one HQ. If you’re out there, please, tell me. It’s a rare day that goes by where I don’t hear grumblings about the inherent lack of respect and collaboration in these groups. Certainly I do quite a lot of grumbling to that effect.

I honestly believe that many players in these HQs taint this game with their toxic, personal vendettas against people who most of the 200,000 have never met. The current, longstanding structure of these alliances is such that this pettiness is encouraged - even idolized.

Personally, I’m tired of it. I really don’t care who you hate in real life. I have no interest in your grandiose visions for revenge on some war I know nothing about. All I want, and all most people in this game want, is to have a good time. I want to log on here and actually build a “new world.” I want to get to know new players and see what really neat ideas they have. I love seeing newbs write articles because they’re often the most sane writers.

I don’t want to spend my days putting up with why you’re amazing and why the rest of us are nowhere near as wonderful as you. I don’t want to constantly be reminded of how hard your eLife is just because you and your buddies appoint you in one-man elections every month. I certainly don’t want to be told that you’re overworked, only to discover you won’t let anyone else help. I want something better than that. The 200,000 deserve better than that.



What do you think?