[CP] It Isn't Thursday Without Updates!

Day 989, 13:16 • Published in Canada Canada • by Duke Leto

This is an article from the Administration team of eRepublik.

We have made some adjustments for Rising in terms of services provided to you, the player. A lot of you say that you are sick of seeing pinups and wanted a change. This has caused us to replace most of our organic team with robots. Lets meet the new team, shall we?

Mod team replaced with the Aperture Science Sentry


For those of you who have not experienced Valve’s Portal, these little 4 foot tall monstrosities shoot when they sense motion. We decided to install these due to your complaints about all the porn within the game. These little beauties will kill you from the slightest bulge anywhere along the body. This has been a great investment so far and we plan on keeping these (mostly due to the fact that they shoot at us when we try to put them away)

Our only issues have been trying to get rid of porn, so we decided to invest in some more technology!

HAL 9000


This is HAL. He is the world’s most advanced super computer and the most human. He has an appreciation of chess and the arts. Most importantly, he will be in charge of solving tickets and challenges. Let us use a porno complaint as an example.

HAL, please solve the porn ticket.
I am sorry Leto, I cannot do that.

HAL, solve the porno ticket.

I am sorry Leto, I cannot do that.

*Leto proceeds with shutting down HAL*

Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do…

I am terribly sorry folks, but HAL is not feeling like himself today. Our team of scientists will look into the issues right away. I think this makes the perfect time to show you our new instructor for new players.

Marvin


Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the new instructor, Marvin! Many of you know him as the depressed know-it-all robot from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy . Here at eRep labs, we know him as the replacement of Carla. We chose him over Carla because he apparently knows more then the average human being by about fifty thousand times. Seeing as how Carla was designed by human beings, we knew she was obsolete. So Marvin, do you like this job?

No I do not. I have a mind about the size of a planet which barely used by this Administration. I feel so worthless.

That is not true; you are helping out new players and…

That only requires a fraction of my great intellect.

Shut up, Marvin and go help a noob.

I know when I am not needed

Well, I hope the new players will feel more wanted with Marvin around.

GlaDOS


Now for our last addition to the Administration team, Aperture Science’s GlaDOS (not to be confused with the British person)! GlaDOS will replace Emma, Lana, Lisa and Gina. “How can one robot do four people’s jobs?” I hear you cry! Well little did you know, GlaDOS comes in more than one part! She comes in several!

There are four cores to this new version of GlaDOS: Morality (Buisness), Curiosity (happiness), Logic (skills) and Anger (Military). These cores though are not fire proof, which is why we are banning smoking within the building (so any workers reading this put the butt out). They will keep track of all people, just so long as they do not screw around with the security cameras in place.

These are the changes that we plan on making. If you have any questions, do not ask because that is how we roll.


I am Duke Leto and you are not!