[CHUTICLE] HOW I LEARNED TO STOP WORRYING

Day 1,708, 13:20 • Published in USA USA • by Chutley



How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Rocket


With so much hatred and outrage recently abounding, I’d like to share how I feel about all this. Here you go:




And click here





“Why so suicidal chipper, Chutley?” you might ask? It’s simple, this whole fiasco has been awesome.

Sure, EvryONE is Rylde up about everything. And Glove is hardly full of love recently. Potato may be in hot water, and our government is all but TERRAfied but CAN A DAmn caveman sit back and enjoy the show? Hell yes, I can.


Simply put, this crap is the best thing to happen to eRepublik in as long as I can remember. Conspiracy, treason, intrigue, and war…what could satisfy my non-sexualized basest instincts more?

Ok, so a bro-lliance has been temporarily shattered and a few kids are, as we say, butthurt; but, what the hell are these wars anyway?

No one is actually fighting, as far as I can tell (unless some of you are meeting up around Niagara or something and smacking each other with keyboards and mouses, or is it mice? I can never remember if the plural is different from the animals. I’ll say mouses…perhaps there are meese sightings during all of this. Speaking of which, moose are underrated animals. They look cool, they leave you alone, and they stand there even when they see a shotgun like 20 feet away from them because it's not like they know what that is. And even if they did, I mean, it's not like that's a menacing instrument. It's like a horizontal moose penis to them and I doubt they've had really bad experiences with moose penises...or peni? before because moose don't seem to be the raping kind.

Lynxes on the other hand, I feel like they probably molest each other constantly. I don't know why I have that feeling, but I do because they're big pussies...cats...and they have claws and teeth that could scratch you and eat you to death, respectively, if you got too close but I have no idea why you would want to do that.)

Wait, where am I? Oh right…fake wars.


In reality, I just get to click the same buttons I always do with the added benefit of reading more articles and the most bacon- and syrup-related jokes I’ve ever seen. (Most of them are awful, by the way, please improve them...I'm bacon you.)

So I say, kudos to you Code-Y. Thank you Evry and Rylde. You’ve given us all a wonderful gift, and a reason to stop worrying and the love the eRepublik rockets.

Well done.






Non-patriarchically yours,
Chutley