A NEW YEAR'S HOROSCOPE

Day 2,603, 01:30 • Published in Belgium United Kingdom • by Pargali Ibrahim Pasha



Aries in general: Temperamental character, you posses knowledge of various languages, you are always on the side of the poor.
Work: Go ahead Master, if something does not go directly; be as the little sperm from Switzerland who beat his head in caries on the tooth number six.
Love: You are a master of the sex.
Health: Do not eat fatty foods, red meat causes cancer, eat lots of vegetables.


Taurus in general: Go directly to the nearest or maybe the best psychiatrist.
Job: I know that my boss a jerk.
Love: Men - fu#k it's not your fault that she's brainless blonde. Women - Change your hairstyle, because you're not good for nothing and you have look of stoned cow; and also your boyfriend doesn't look good at all.
Health: Go to the psychiatrist.


Gemini in general: You are not letting people to pick on you, you are ready to help everyone, sometimes they use you because of it. But here I see some big dinosaurs (symbol of the changes) and some abandoned high school (a good sign here) and the its door opens automatically.
Jobs: You do not have one.
Love: Nothing in sight, the little black girl you like is not normal at all.
Health: You'll probably get cold; drink some slivovitz from grandad Milan to flush your body and soul.


Lion in general: You are true King and that's it.
Work: Men - You will have a good sex with your secretary, if you make five smart steps, the answer is up to you. Women - So you do not need to smoke your boss cigarillos every day. Do not quit, start little revolution or aim him with the eggs.
Love: your cousin is the ideal partner for you.
Health: Don't get nervous.

Virgin in general: Keep your virginity.
Love: I see a hot new girl or boyfriend coming your way.
Work: Bosses are generally ass-holes, I'm sorry, but you need to adapt yourself.

Libra in general: Always be fair to yourself and to others as well.
Work: Your colleagues you planning to set you a trap and are pretending to be your friends, beware of false friends.
Love: I can't see anything other than the fog.

Scorpio in general: You are amusing type you and the people love your company, keep it that way, because just few of nonsense things could destroy your reputation.
Work: colleagues will discover your best side
Love: You'll have to wait, because waiting is the key.

Sagittarius in general: You are active fiery character. In the mythology Sagittarius was represented by an arrow pointing upwards or as an centaur who has human form in the upper body part and on the lower part of an animal.
Work: Stop bothering your colleagues. If you are oppressed yourself; fight against it.
Love: You love arrows find their way to the target without any doubt.
Health: Don't get annoyed.

Capricorn in general:
Love: That blonde girl from the work is the right girl for you.
Health: Your venereal diseases are curable, you will heal them by dancing around the fire under the moonlight and releasing all sorts of sounds and moving your intimate organ up and down following turning of the clock, so that way you will destroy this disease.

Aquarius in general: This is your time and make the most of it.
Work, love and the health: All of this you should be improved, if you use a common sense and do not get upset.

Fish in general: You are calm, quiet and withdrawn, but behind it lies a pervert personality.
Work: You'll start to work in a big hotel.
Love: I see a Russian girl and she is still virgin.
Health: Avoid salty foods.

Cancer in general:
Work: This job with a gun is a good idea.
Love: I know that is easier to start an relation with a gun.
Health: Do not get upset.