[CHARTICLE] I've had a few

Day 5,166, 18:20 • Published in USA USA • by Chutley

I’m drunk. Is that allowed on e-Republik? Can I say that? I remember I was banned once for rickrolling Plato. But I also posted something that made many obtuse references to the male member and that article seems to still exist. Oh by male member I mean penis, if that's not clear. Dong.

Anyways, I’m pretty drunk. Tonight? Yes, tonight. How? I’ll tell you how - Tequila Sunrises. You know what they say about the sun, right? Something about it rising in the east and like, you get drunk from it, I think. Whatever.

So, what else? What is this, by the way. Like, e-Republik. Is anyone even reading this? I think I got like 250 votes before on an article. Will this get 10? Oh man, speaking of 10…

On a whim I logged back in two days ago and saw that my e-rep “birthday” was 1/3/11. Oh shit, I’m 11. So that’s why I saw my first pube the other day. And I stink. And I hate my mom. Only one of those things is true. I smell fine and my relationship with my mother is adequate. So, yes, the pube thing is true. It was glorious.

Ok looking at my profile I’m ranked 513 in the country. That is a baaaaaaaaad sign if there are only 500 people who have done this more than I have in the past 11 years because I’ve been dead for like 8 of those.

How are you though? Pretty good, right? Or not bad? Those are the two possibilities. Someone once said to me, “I’m alive,” and I said : “That’s better than the alternative” and I thought I was clever. Then he said the same thing to me the next year when I saw him and I made the same response and still thought I was clever. Then I thought about it and realized I said that the year before and had not only self-plagiarized, but I was also never, in fact, clever.

This is a rant. A drunken rant. A drant. It’s called a drant from now on.

Is anyone out there? I’ve yelled for 10 minutes before at a wall so it wouldn’t surprise me to know no one is. The wall wasn’t moved.

Tell me if you’re there though. Damnit this mic was off the whole time.

- Chutley