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The USArmy: Come Get Some!

Day 1,276, 05:51 • Published in USA USA

• by bombonato

The only soldier in USArmy history with more style than Custer

Dateline: Thursday May 19, 2011 (Day 1276)
Location: Fort McPherson, Georgia
Reporter: Major George Armstrong "Old Man" Custer

par·o·dy
[par-uh-dee]
noun, plural -dies, verb, -died, -dy·ing.
–noun
1. a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing: his hilarious parody of Hamlet's soliloquy.
2. the genre of literary composition represented by such imitations.
3. a burlesque imitation of a musical composition.

Tehhhhnnn-HUT!
SUCK IN THAT GUT, SOLDIER! You're at Attention!

General Patton Addresses the Troops
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^{Ctrl+Click the image!}

sat·ire
[sat-ahy^uhr]
–noun
1. the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.
2. a literary composition, in verse or prose, in which human folly and vice are held up to scorn, derision, or ridicule.
3. a literary genre comprising such compositions.

Major Custer Addresses the Readers

^{Pretty snappy dresser, huh?}

Good day... soldiers and civilians, officers... gentlemen, ladies, and other non-specific genders.
First of all I'd like to thank you all for your warm welcome.
Your kind words have assured me that returning to this... **ahem** game... is a decision I will soon sorely regret.
I fully expect to see you all in Hell, where rules will be vague and selectively enforced, the manner of going about your everyday business will change without notice.

I also wish to thank you all... for the kind reception you have given me, in returning to my familiar old desk here at the Army Times. My 12 year old Scotch is missing, those responsible will pay dearly-- do you understand, Private Stevens?

You have all honored this newspaper, and our Army, by voting the Army Integrity piece to a high of third, with the Free Movie Night piece presently climbing in the Social interactions and entertainment news rankings.
Keep voting these articles up. I do not appreciate seeing any USMilitary newspaper ranking below the incomprehensible drivel which tops the charts every day.
This is evidence... that illiteracy does not rule the media. And although boobs are really really cool they are not necessary to the success of quality journalism.

I have some Announcements:
Don't make me define that. Just spark up a spare brain cell and listen.
At ease. The smoking lamp is lit.

As mentioned in yesterday's paper, The Army Times will endeavor to present Movie Night every Wednesday. These should be war movies, whether action or espionage, present era or historical.
The Army Times will also present one or two Friday Fright Nights each month, bringing you some of the worst horror B movies ever made.
Suggestions for Movie Night and Fright Night may be sent via game mail to this Org, and if your movies are selected for viewing you will receive a reward. Movies must be available for free online with no required download or signups.

Tomorrow, Friday, The Army Times will announce the winner of the first USArmy Rec Hall Reward.
We will also announce and congratulate recent promotions in our USArmy.
I expect to see you all here.

Alright, all you sonsofbitches, and women... you know how I feel.
I will be proud to write for you wonderful people... any time, anywhere.
That is all.

The USArmy: Come Get Some!