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Ladies and Gentlemen of the eUnited States of America,
I am Justin McCravok. You are the reader. I am superior to you as I am the writer of this article, do you understand? Fantastic, now we can get started.

I, Justin McCravok, the superior of all of you because I'm the one writing this and you're clearly not, am running for President of the eUnited States of America. I'll give you a few minutes to compose yourself and not be as sexy as me.

Okay, now that its been a few minutes, I can explain. It was a dark and lonely Black Friday afternoon. Specifically, it was the Black Friday afternoon of November 26th, the day of the year where people finally get a glimpse of the thing they've been waiting outside of a Best Buy store for 2 weeks for. I was confronted by Blank Keating. He called me a flaming homosexual and threatened to be more awesome then me, which I simply could not stand. I was upset. "Butthurt", some of you internet freaks may say...maybe even "Raging". No matter what you may decide to call it, I was not pleased, and it was clear. I knew that something needed to be done, as this Keating monster person was way out of control. He wanted to be the Vice President of the United States, Insulting the hot sex that is Justin McCravok? It shall not happen on my watch, America!

Without releasing my plans to those surrounding my sexy teenage body, I left the channel where Blank Keating had outputted his rigerous and unneeded opinion. I began to brainstorm. Should I abuse my congressional powers and be awesome? Should I be awesome and be awesome while being awesome? Just a few of the many incredible and intelligent thoughts I had. Then, it hit me, the most magical thought I've ever had while not being on shrooms: Should I run for POTUS?. My eyes twinkled with delight. The mere thought of me thoughting (not fixing it) to run for POTUS had instantly made me over 9000 times more incredible then I already was. I knew it had to happen eventually, so why not now, America?

I proceeded on my search for a Vice President. I already had a slight idea of who I wanted to help me: Ostin, Mr. Woldy, Battalgazi, Justin McCravok, Riku, Anime characters, Syrup...unfortunately, none of the above were online at the moment, and I waited for 3 seconds before getting impatient. I started browsing IRC User groups. Then I saw him: The joy of my world. The beauty of my sky, the green of my grass; It was the one, the only, Chickensguys.

Haha I'm just ****ing with you, America. It was Glove. It was. Glove. Boy, what a great person to have in my cabinet and as my slave. I've been wanting some hot, steamy Glove for awhile now, so this opportunity was a once in a lifetime. He accepted my proposal. It was glovious. We now had a holy bond, held together by the graciousness and peace of Dio (Dio Dio Dio). Together, the two of us would sweep the hearts of America and improve the lives of all. It was going to be the greatest thing since cereal.



So, plain and simple, why should you vote for Justin McCravok and Glove? America, I'll tell you why.

Reason 1. CRoy has Gynecomastia. He also wants to lead America. Do you guys understand what this means? Of course you don't, as you are not as intelligent as I am. Essentially, Gynecomastia has another name: Man-boobs. Yes, CRoy has a chronic case of Gynecomastia, AKA Man-boobs. America, I don't know about you, but I think we're already fat enough as it is. To have someone with man-boobs leading a nation of fat people would be like having cereal and cereal for breakfast; there's no milk. Where's the milk, America? Do you know where it is? Because I just can't seem to find it.

Reason 2. Deleruin will steal all of our money. "WTF, he's just saying random crap now". No, actually, there's logic behind every statement I make.

I now lead you to Example A.
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Okay Justin McCravok, what is this useless content that you just posted? I'll tell you, ladies and gentlemen. Deleruin, also known by his alias Altair, has a total of 13 medals. The USD dollar symbol that you see above has 13 stars. A coincidence? More like a Conspiracy, America. It's a conspiracy and it's a sign: A sign of Deleruin's wanted attempt at stealing the United States Treasury. You do not want to put this man into office. It would be simply financial suicide. Justin McCravok and Glove assure you that your treasury will stay in the hands of good people.
And while it may be spent for things like buying this hot tub so that my Sim can hook up with other Sims, at least it won't go into the hands of dirty Altair's.

Reason 3. GLadDOS is Woxan. Woxan is GLadDOS. I know this may seem like a stretch, but think about it, okay? They do have the exact same avatar, don't they? They did live in the same country for a few months, didn't they? It all fits together, like a 2 piece puzzle. You just have to fit the pieces to your best knowledge, and it all comes together. Don't vote Woxan, he's had his chance at glory, and it's time for him to step aside. There's no room for the likes of him anymore. A new breed is taking over, and yes, it's the breed of sexy. Finally.


I hope that was short enough for your small attention spans America, because even those 2 paragraphs won't be read by about 95% of the people who vote this article. Yes, I'm basically talking to myself right now America. Is this what you want?

Of course it's not. As President, I shall revive the media. I shall force all of our people to read articles, for that is the best way of communication. I shall give gay rights to the United Independents Party, something that they've been wanting and longing for too long now. I shall infect all of you with Glove. America, I will make you better. I will improve your status among other nations and will truly make you the most powerful beast in all of the World (of Warcraft). When it comes to December 5th, I think you and I both know who we want to lead this nation.

So one last time, America: Do what's right. Only you and the multis can decide what the fate of our blessed nation is.