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Modimolle, Limpopo - Speaking today to the Species Hoping Earnestly Against Revolution with Intense Thought think tank, SHEAR-IT, PSU's November candidate for the Presidency Rico Suave, fought back against the Birthing issue. With his running mate Locutus standing at his side, he also criticised eSA's failure to adequately address the need of forced shearing of convicted sheep, in lieu of insufficient punishment with Q3 Staple Guns. Some conservatives have voiced the option of setting squads of Killer Ninja-Squirrels on them.

Says ignorant activist Prelen, "I thought he meant bur thing."

Violins, Sheep and Throaty Frogs
Some activists appealed to the government that the use of frogs were the only solution to resolve the current State of Emergency. Yet, Frog leader Petrus Padda, from Wielie Wielie Walie fame, has said that he cannot comment on current covert operations in which the Third Parra militia, which has been seconded to Assegai operations, are involved in.

News of victims of sheep violence continue to make the headlines, and abused citizens are still discovered in sheep crack dens, underground horse stables and even in some ba-aa-rs around Jo'burg. This has led to incidents of vigilante eSouth Africans resorting to desperate and extreme measures.

Suave continued, "The sheep know well about vote suppression through media indoctrination. It is a fact that for every sheep voting in an eR article, voter turnout decreases by 3 percent."

As for the issue of a glaringly absent birth certificate for Mr. Suave, he vowed that it continues to be a non-issue, only worthy of cursory glances to the exit doors.

Birtherism
Birtherism, as it is called, has become the favourite subject of specist-baiters from all sides of the political spectrum. Citizens still debate whether or not Presidential Candidate Suave might be from Planet of the Apes or perhaps from Sea Point, Cape Town, whether or not it is appropriate to ask such a question, and whether or not such a question has ever been asked of CPs like KrimpieKat, Steven "Mr Kitty" Bosch, former eUS President BattleKitteh, or even the sexy Jizzie McGuire, and whether or not citizens asking such questions are doing so because of an inherent motive of specist propaganda.

Some Suavists even alude to the famous eSA philosopher Eugene Marais having predicted Rico Suave's rise in the eWorld through his book, The Soul of the Ape. Eugene Marais was of course a Planet of the Apes fanatic, even if the launch of the first Planet of the Apes movie far exceeded the death of Mr. Marais.

This month, Rico Suave and the Patriot and Sovereignty Union wanted to bring to an end the feud which he thought to be a distraction from the real issues facing eSouth Africa. He, therefore asked the hospital in the former eSA homeland of eLebowa where he was born, to release the elusive copy of his long-form birth certificate in the hope of appeasing his critics and allowing eSouth Africans to remain focused on the main issues.

The question of Suave's paternity arose recently following the so-called "birther" debate surrounding candidate Suave's own nationality. In a short-lived bid for candidacy in the November eSA CP race, the attempted come-back-kid Exilious was strongly critical of candidate Suave for his failure to produce an eBirth certificate to prove the Origin of his Species. "Not to take anything away from Charles Darwin" ~ Editor

Ajay Bruno maintains that while the certificate remains unpublished, it cannot be proved that Suave is an eSA Citizen. "There is no eSA certificate," maintains Ajay. Afterwards, Locutus was quoted as saying that perhaps Bruno should have bought the limited edition commemorative PSU November 2011 Presidential mug, as that is the closest that he will get to the eSouth African Presidency.

Tuinhuis continues to stonewall legitimate requests to produce documentation on behalf of Mr. Suave, and now one third of a person out of ten eSouth Africans doubt Suave's birth story. "That's almost half a voter," complained Prelen, a PSU groupee.

Of Borg and Sovereign Patriots
Unnamed sources inside Suave and Locutus's campaign have hinted that Locutus and Jizzie McGuire have been assigned a secret and perilous task. Visiting the former eSA homeland of eLebowa, the two DB dignitaries are said to have attempted to secure classified documentation. After the fall of the eLebowa government, which was triggered by the invasion by eMauritian troops in response to suspected piracy, attaining any historic information has become, as McGuire calls it, "a drag".

Reveals Locutus, after having returned with Jizzie McGuire to Johannesburg, "We have found the evidence that we need!" Journalists and flash photographers were crowding the domestic airport terminal at ORTIA, almost making it impossible to hear the duo speak.

"Tonight, we finally have proof that the Dignity Brigade has stayed at the Royal Hotel in eLebowa during the eIndo occupation. Our primary concern has been to dispell rumours that the DB had never appeared in eLebowa in any of our gigs."

"Incidentally, we've also been provided with a copy of Rico Suave's birth certificate. Which was a surprise. That's not why we went to eLebowa at all", added a stunned Jizzie McGuire.

"The political arm of Team Suave milked the birth certificate issue for all it was worth and now it’s all a big joke", claimed Selina Kitt, an Independent Alternative pundit. This after Team Suave released a copy of the certificate at a coffee party ceremony in Groblersdal today.

Surprisingly, with the media furore leaving ChubZilla on the lamb, ChubZilla preferred to decline to comment, stating only that he has his own issues with species at the moment, and leaves no time for shenanigans with frogs, squirrels, humans or even weasels like Ajay Bruno or Exilious.

Team Suave continues to tour the constituencies of eSA. Ministry of Intelligence officials have confirmed that thus far no incidents or threats have been reported on the electoral candidate and his fellow PSU candidate.

"Phew", said Suave. "No sheep or squirrels in sight."

Vote Up!
The Pretorian Patriot - We're having another go at it!
The Sexy Times - Rico and Loco - Better than *expletive* baloney sandwiches

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~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use