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As long-time players know, eRepublik simulates the centuries-long conflict between the Balkan countries of Borduria (Бордурија) and Syldavia. Occasional interventions from their neighbor-nation frenemies, Khemed, Hememd, Dhemed, Mhemed, Bogomed, Lemoneid, and Brillo-Gilgamed, also sometimes enter into the simulation.



Conflicts between these two ginormous world RL power-house nations has had a huge impact on world cultures -- indeed, has driven the course of much of human history -- for centuries. So it's no wonder that the world's greatest war-strategy simulation game would use this conflict as a model.

For example, everybody in Latin America still remembers the horrifying Pljeskavica Wars of the 1980's. The battle lines were drawn following the publication of rival recipes for best dishes to accompany the tasty Bordurian meat patties. First, El Espectador advised serving a traditional Bordurian potato salad, with a vinegar-and-oil dressing. Then El Universal responded with a recommendation to serve the spicy burgers with papas fritas mexicanas instead.

Violence erupted all along the coastal Gulf regions, then spilled outward from the Caribbean, until folks were fighting in the streets from Minneapolis to Berazategui.



The underlying causes of the core conflict can be confusing. Luckily, a tourist pamphlet dropped off at our offices has revealed how it all started. In 875 C.E. several villages in Syldavia were annexed by neighboring Borduria due the weakness of King Mousketar II. Subsquently, around 912 C.E. Baron Almafukar, the Syldavian national hero, drove the Bordurians away and established himself as King Otto Repo I. This ancient rivalry has continued to roil the two nations over the centuries.

In a nutshell. The dang Bordurians are continually trying to invade or undermine Syldavia.

And vice-versa.



After many twists and shouts, events took a dramatic turn in 1939 when there was an unsuccessful Bordurian attempt to stage a coup d'état against the Syldavian regime. The pan-Balkan revolutionary movement had the support of many Syldavian sympathizers, along with a few Bogomedie, Hememdie and Lemoneidie agents. The kingly rod was actually stolen! But thanks to the intervention of clever young lad from Belgium, it was returned safely at the last minute, before a bloody civil war erupted. At that point the Bordurians pulled out and stood their troops back 25 kilometers from the border.


For a relatively peaceful 80-year interlude -- as so accurately reflected in eRepublik -- the perpetual conflict had settled into a series of tit-for-tat proxy battles at flashpoints across the globe. But things now appear to be heating up once again. The current President of the Syldavian Republic, 12-year-old Randy "Tits" Palmer, recently denounced his rival, the Primo Ministro of Borduria, Walter Wanker, as somebody "who can't even cook a dormouse properly". Holy crap. Dems fightin' words folks.



Belgian peace-keepers are warning that things could easily go nuclear as the war of words escalates.











A Special Master appointed by an eUSA-Forum-certified Court is to announce that finding the USWP's Zombie Party Mix was a "real hoot".


Dramatic new poll results show that while virtually no one cares what Trite of the Northern Penguins is aggravated about this week, he is still more popular than that ghastly, frightening Swiss clown.






Q: Our gang spends lots of money on eRepublik, has been playing for decades, buys mountains of packs, weapons and stuff every day. We spend most of our time on Telegram insulting each other and talking about tits. It's a great time. We're good guys. We give stuff away to people in our party whom we like.

But there's a person on my party, Alan, whom we do not invite to share. He gets offended to the point of tears whenever he finds out we're handing out free stuff but haven't invited him. There are reasons we don't include him. We know he doesn't have much money. And also he doesn't have the same interests we do. We're all very active on porn sites, while he only sporadically makes a few lame-ass lewd comments. Plain and simple, he does not really fit in with us.

Now he barely speaks to me and is telling other party members that I'm a terrible person. I wouldn't mind so much, but he's my brother and goes complaining to my Mom. Now I'm afraid she's going to find out I'm using her Visa.

Anyway. How can we get him to understand that he should just go find another party whose interests align more closely with his?


-- A Sad Player



A: First, let's establish that I agree with Alan. You are a horrible person. Obviously you can do whatever you want. It's the freaking internet for crissakes. But don't get to do this then and also blame the person you're excluding for not "fitting in". You are unwilling to make room for him, so he can never fit in. His being upset is entirely justified and you'll have to live with that, you creep. Perhaps this is something you could ponder while wanking alone in your mother's basement. -- Aunt Jello







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