Southern Blackwood and Glencoe Demands Semi-Autonomy

Day 5,499, 08:11 • Published in Canada Belgium • by Monsieur JOEL

The Issue
Politicians from a distant and obscure part of Blackwood and Glencoe have been calling for the government to split Blackwood and Glencoe into various semi-autonomous regions, each with an elected council to govern their designated area.

The Debate
“The government is too centralised,” complains rural villager, Wulfric Banks. “We get these big-city politicians making rulings that affect our way of life, when they have absolutely no idea what our way of life is! One of them even suggested that farmers should be banned from picking crops in case they disturbed the local wildlife! What we need are various councils to govern their own part of Blackwood and Glencoe, giving us the chance to have our say on laws affecting our area. It’ll bring politics to the people! Of course this will require increases to taxes to fund it all, but if that’s the cost of more political freedom, then so be it!”

“Councils? Are you mad?” gasps political commentator, Conan Goethe. “Most of the politicians we already have earn very large sums each year - and you want to employ even more? We must not listen to the whims of some dangerous separatist movement; next they’ll be wanting independence! I suggest we keep the government in one place where we can keep an eye on it and stop creating more jobs for over-paid politicians. Heck, why not trim off the ones we don’t need while we’re at it and give some leeway to the taxpayers? Anyway, if we allowed places like West Blackwood and Glencoe to make decisions for themselves, they would soon be introducing laws allowing them to marry their cousins or something - you know what they’re like...”

“These people are obviously power-hungry lunatics,” whispers Iris Moneypenny, one of your innumerable advisors. “They’re simply trying to loosen your grip on the nation! Let’s just send anyone who opposes your absolute rule to the gallows and ban elections. We hardly need them when you always know what to do! There may be some protest, but we can just lower taxes and they’ll be as happy as clams.”