Join the new world

Here it is. Election day is upon us once again. At least those elections which really count, the party president. Yes, I am running for my party out of a sense of obligation. The poor old fools keep electing people that really want to take the reins of power, out of some sense of self aggrandizement, and not those people who, out of a selfless love of country and citizens, those with a sense of honor, and an abiding need to serve their fellow man, would make great subjects of portraits in the halls of power.

Yes, I would wrap myself in our national flag and use it as my shield against our mutual foes, who will be named later once we have determined if they do or do not have resources or strategic position which would benefit our great nation, or at least bump our rating in the polls long enough to distract from our mistakes. Popularity is always a beauty contest, and I have looked at myself in the mirror and decided that since my face tends to scare small children and often, very large animals, that I can use all the help I can get via invading weaker hapless countries and perhaps setting off a nuke or three.

I suppose I could also become the father of a new nation, if only we can manufacture enough turkey basters and follow the example of Rome by finding enough Sabine captives to serve the purpose of incubators. I can't imagine the cost in terms of financial commitment, so I would have to rely on the state's good graces to keep the little bastards housed and fed. What I can imagine is this face being imprinted on countless new citizens and the real advantage we would gain diplomatically. After all, who really wants to attend a mission or a conference and see not a rational human being on the other side of the negotiating table, but a maniacal menace holding all of the charms of a gorgon?

Please remember to vote, it is an important function in our society. And while the old joke is that you should vote often, I would prefer you vote carefully. We all know the consequences of a complacent citizenry.

Ta!